Yesterday, my boyfriend and I were driving down the road having small talk about how our day had been. I had just picked him up from work and was dreading having to go to work as soon as I dropped him off at home. He started on his usual rant about needing something better in life – he believes he is wasting his ONE AND ONLY life away at a lowlife job with lowlife coworkers. We’ve been discussing new jobs for the both of us for quite some time now, but the idea of switching jobs honestly scares the shit out of me. I have been at the same job for almost 3 years now and Matt is ready to make big changes right NOW! Needless to say, we aren’t on the same page.
Let me give you a little background on our life. We have been together just under 2 years, but have known each other for twice as long. We started out as friends – good friends – the “lets get drunk and have wild sex” kind of good friends. It was agreed by both of us that a relationship was NOT in our future. I was working full time and going to college full time. I had no time for a man to mess up my schedule (or my girl time). Matt was, well, a typical man. He lived in a house full of guys who desperately needed to learn about hygiene. He was working hard just to have enough money to blow at the next party.
Our little “lust-ship” went on for a good 6 months. He was very open about wanting to sleep with other girls, and I was open about the other men I was dating. One night we had a little bit too much to drink and Matt broke down. He screamed, cried, and punched a couple holes in the walls. It was a side of him I had never seen before. And all I could do was hold him and tell him everything will be okay. That night, he told me he loved me and our lives changed forever.
Our relationship started and moved so fast – like speed of light fast. We weren’t even “official” for a month before we moved in together – and another short month passed when I found out we were going to be raising a baby. My pregnancy was awful. I was constantly sick and in pain. I battled kidney stones and had to be on blood thinner injections. Oh, and there’s the fact that Matt became addicted to heroin when I was 6 months pregnant. His addiction ruined us. It sent us into a huge hole of debt, we fought like a couple UFC champs, we lost our apartment, and we separated for a while.
Matt is now 5 months clean and has no interest in ever going back to that lifestyle. I couldn’t be more proud of my man! He has completely changed his whole outlook on life and is trying to influence me to do the same. Which brings me back to that wonderful car ride home yesterday. Like I said, we’ve been discussing new jobs and he continues to remind me daily that I need to find something new. Well yesterday I snapped. Between the long hours at work, driving Matt back and forth to work, and taking care of our daughter in between – I was exhausted. The last thing I wanted was to add the stress of job hunting to my already jam packed schedule.
I finally yelled, “I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW”, and the conversation was over. Not just that conversation, but all conversation. He went to work with me that night, but there was a heavy silence in the air. Finally, on our way home, I broke the silence by talking about what kind of job I would like to look for. We talked about having great jobs, big houses, long travel trips, and a happy ending to our lives.
This conversation made me think – I have no idea what I want out of life, but it sure as hell isn’t what I have now. So many people in this world are content with their day to day struggles of unhappiness. That’s unacceptable for me – I NEED to be happy, and I deserve it. It’s time to make a change, and this blog is going to follow us as we accomplish so much in our lives.
This is our journey to success. Our journey to bigger and better things. Our journey to happiness.