Well, how about that.

Dear void,

As this was meant to be a private online journal, you can call me E. That is all. E. Some posts I will keep private I suppose, but I guess that kind of defeats the purpose of a blog. Oh well. Here we go.

Let me introduce myself. I’m E, I have a husband, a daughter, and just recently found out that there is another little nugget growing inside me. Thus explains my heading “Well, how about that.” I figure this is a place I can be who I am, feel what I feel and no one really cares, lol. I’m a stay at home and really love my life, honestly I do. My daughter is 18 months and I’m already knocked up with baby #2… definitely a little sooner than I would have liked if I’m being honest, but I know God knows what he’s doing. It took me several years to get pregnant with my first daughter, so I guess I just assumed it would take awhile the next time too. Ye of little faith, right?

I wanna say some things, I want to get these emotions out of me without judgement raining down on me, so bear with me as I unload all of my deepest darkest feeling on ya dear stranger.

  1. I’m absolutely terrified of having another baby. I just got the 1st one figured out, and that changes daily. What will I do with 2 of them???
  2. I feel guilty for getting pregnant so early because I feel like I’m cheating my daughter out of personal time with us. I am literally grieving her being an only child. My heart breaks thinking about how she’ll interpret a new little baby in the house that’s getting all of our attention.
  3. I’m worried about outside judgement about us biting off more than we can chew financially. We can afford another baby, but I worry about the judgement that our friends and family might have for us. Stupid I know, but I warned you.
  4. I’m still nursing my 18 month old, I worry about her being weaned before shes ready. Also, I’m not getting a break at all between nursing 2 babies. It’s hard work!
  5. Gaining weight. I’m currently at the heaviest I’ve ever been and I really wanted to lose weight before I had another baby. Thinking about gaining another 20+ pounds makes me sick to my stomach. I’m worried about high blood pressure, gestational diabetes and other issues due to being overweight and pregnant. I had no issues with my daughter so I just pray that I have a similar pregnancy this time around.
  6. I’m just scared. I love my life, I love my family and I’m definitely blessed to be pregnant with #2, I know that. I think about my 33 yr old sister-in-law who is doing everything possible to have a baby and nothing has worked, and here I am knocked up again. I feel bad for her, and my best friend who cant have children. And here I am, complaining, ugh, dont get me wrong, Im SO THANKFUL, I’m just scared.

    Pray for me while this sinks in. Thank you for listening to the venting’s of a stranger. God Bless.


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