As this was meant to be a private online journal, you can call me E. That is all. E. Some posts I will keep private I suppose, but I guess that kind of defeats the purpose of a blog. Oh well. Here we go.
Let me introduce myself. I’m E, I have a husband, a daughter, and just recently found out that there is another little nugget growing inside me. Thus explains my heading “Well, how about that.” I figure this is a place I can be who I am, feel what I feel and no one really cares, lol. I’m a stay at home and really love my life, honestly I do. My daughter is 18 months and I’m already knocked up with baby #2… definitely a little sooner than I would have liked if I’m being honest, but I know God knows what he’s doing. It took me several years to get pregnant with my first daughter, so I guess I just assumed it would take awhile the next time too. Ye of little faith, right?
I wanna say some things, I want to get these emotions out of me without judgement raining down on me, so bear with me as I unload all of my deepest darkest feeling on ya dear stranger.
- I’m absolutely terrified of having another baby. I just got the 1st one figured out, and that changes daily. What will I do with 2 of them???
- I feel guilty for getting pregnant so early because I feel like I’m cheating my daughter out of personal time with us. I am literally grieving her being an only child. My heart breaks thinking about how she’ll interpret a new little baby in the house that’s getting all of our attention.
- I’m worried about outside judgement about us biting off more than we can chew financially. We can afford another baby, but I worry about the judgement that our friends and family might have for us. Stupid I know, but I warned you.
- I’m still nursing my 18 month old, I worry about her being weaned before shes ready. Also, I’m not getting a break at all between nursing 2 babies. It’s hard work!
- Gaining weight. I’m currently at the heaviest I’ve ever been and I really wanted to lose weight before I had another baby. Thinking about gaining another 20+ pounds makes me sick to my stomach. I’m worried about high blood pressure, gestational diabetes and other issues due to being overweight and pregnant. I had no issues with my daughter so I just pray that I have a similar pregnancy this time around.
- I’m just scared. I love my life, I love my family and I’m definitely blessed to be pregnant with #2, I know that. I think about my 33 yr old sister-in-law who is doing everything possible to have a baby and nothing has worked, and here I am knocked up again. I feel bad for her, and my best friend who cant have children. And here I am, complaining, ugh, dont get me wrong, Im SO THANKFUL, I’m just scared.
Pray for me while this sinks in. Thank you for listening to the venting’s of a stranger. God Bless.