Why I’m Keeping a Journal

I have imagined that writing a meaningful journal would be good for me for quite some time but I have never brought myself to do it.  I am a very worrisome person and am hoping to get some things out here that I will be able to refer back to in the future to track any progress I make.

I struggle with severe health anxiety and perhaps depression.  I have been convinced for over three years that I have some form of cancer despite assurances to the contrary by my doctors.  My hope is to anonymously express my feelings here and perhaps interact with others who may have experienced and overcome the same struggles I have.

I am self-employed and work from home and have a tendency to get very lazy when I do not have anything to do.  My mind begins to wander when I am alone for extended periods of time and I find myself worrying about my health and my future.  I have spent countless hours researching every physical symptom that I seem to come across and have spent time with doctors over the last three years addressing my fears of mouth cancer, throat cancer, lymphoma, testicular cancer, spinal cancer, thyroid cancer, and several others that I am probably forgetting right now.

I am married with a five year old son and frequently worry that he is going to lose his father at a young age.  These fears may seem irrational but I simply cannot seem to get rid of them.  I am honestly writing this right now just so that I will be doing something other than watching TV or visiting the same handful of websites that I visit over and over again each day. I’m hoping that I remember to come back and visit this page from time to time and to find a way to structure these entries in a way that is constructive and helpful with my efforts to ease the anxiety that has taken over my life.



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