Purpose

Okay. So I think I’m getting a little TOO obsessed with fanfiction…I’ve been reading it for hours at a time and scrolling through pages of fanart…all from one HP ship (yes, I, a sixteen-year-old, like Harry Potter and Harry Potter fanfiction because I am a humongous nerd). Don’t even ask me which couple I ship because if I said it, I’d probably get a lot of hate from some other shippers so. Anyway it’s just taking up way too much of my time and it’s so weird that I’m so into this ship when I used to think shipping was something only SUPER crazy fans did…and now it’s turned into a part of my life and I’ve been staying up on Fridays just to read new fanfiction.

This might be kind of unhealthy, actually. Probably. It’s just, the ship is so heartbreakingly sad and just GOOD to me, and I LOOOVVEEEE IT. Love it. So I ship it. I luxury cruiseline it, actually. Seriously.

But anyway, carrying on…

Even though I have nothing to carry on about.

Like, I could talk about my exams, and how the worry over the results is seeping into me, but I’m just like nah. I mean, I already know I did TERRIBLY, so why bother agonizing over something that, like most things in life, can’t be changed?

I so want to watch movies right now, but I have no idea what to watch. I have a whole list of movies I want to watch and books I should read and songs to listen to but I just…I’m not feeling motivated enough to do ANYTHING, ya know? Not even the things I really want to do, like make YouTube videos or write fanfiction of my own. I have no idea what I’m feeling right now but it’s making me give up on everything study-related.

I’m also sad. I always get sad around Christmas.

I get sad all year, actually.

But I digress.

I just wanted to write something but I didn’t want to do it by hand. I like the feeling of typing–the tapping, clicking of the keyboard under my fingers.

I just wanted to come online and find someone to talk to–even just the vast, endless void of the internet.

Like the stereotypical Virgo that I am, I just wanted to do something, because I hate sitting around doing nothing.

I wanted a PURPOSE.

But I still don’t have one.

And I fucking hate that.

 

2 thoughts on “Purpose”

  1. Now you got me wondering which ship this might be. xD
    By the way, I am a 27-year-old scientist and I still love Harry Potter. Nothing to be ashamed of. 😉

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