I have been obsessively examining my tongue and looked all the way back on the right side and saw what I swore was a cluster of bumps and perhaps a couple of white spots. The anxiety immediately kicked in and I of course am scared that I have tongue cancer. I made my wife look at my tongue and I think she has gotten so sick of my weird cancer fears that she looked and said she was sure it’s fine. She has been wonderfully patient with me for the most part and I continue to pray that I will one day either discover what if anything is wrong with my physically and take care of it or simply learn to stop worrying all the time about my health.
We went and had brunch with some friends at a restaurant hosting Santa Claus and our son was shy at first but then we finally got him to get his picture taken with Santa. It was a really nice time but I had a really hard time maintaining a conversation with everyone because I couldn’t shake the idea of having something horribly wrong with my tongue.
We came home and I immediately went back to the mirror. Then I of course made the mistake of reading online journals of individuals with tongue cancer. I do find comfort in the fact that almost all of them are much older than I am but I simply cannot stop my mind from going in all types of directions and beginning to imagine all kinds of horrible scenarios in which I am hospitalized, unable to talk, dying, etc.
I have a doctor’s appointment this Wednesday for my back (another constant obsession, fears of spinal cancer). I really hope I can calm down and find a way to wait three days before seeing him. Hopefully he can examine my tongue and provide me with a real opinion right away. I’ve been dealing with health anxiety for about three years now and one thing I have found is that the worry and obsessing over worst-case scenarios is absolute hell, so much worse than any type of physical ailment (real or perceived) that I have ever experienced.