It is remarkable how I can feel fine for the most part and see my health fears as being irrational and then an hour later I am just freaking out.  There has got to be some kind of chemical explanation behind this.  I have begun to reread the book “It’s Not All in Your Head” to try and better understand what might be triggering my anxious episodes and to find some good ways to combat it.  I know that one objective is to reduce the number of appointments with doctors and to only schedule them when absolutely necessary.

Speaking of doctors I have two days to go until my next spinal manipulation appointment.  I can’t help but wonder if I should insist on an MRI to rule out some type of nerve compression/damage or even a spinal tumor.  I have had lower back pain off and on for the better part of a year now and I also now have leg pain.  Both the back and leg pain are on the right side of my body and I have a really hard time accepting that these are simply the result of tight muscles.

Over the last couple of years I have contacted at least ten counseling offices in hopes of finding a CBT specialist and oddly enough not one has ever called or emailed me back.  I completely recognize that I need to go beyond trying to deal with this health anxiety on my own.  It is very frustrating that I simply cannot get anyone to return my calls.

I made a point of staying away from the internet for most of today.  Over the years I feel like I’ve become addicted to mindlessly scrolling through sites like Facebook and just feeling my soul getting sucked out of me.  I’m really glad I was able to stay off social media and actually try getting some actual work done.

I ordered Christmas cards for my clients today and am hoping to send them out in the next couple of days.  I still need to lock down and document some attainable goals regarding business activity.  While the freedom of being self-employed is nice, the lack of accountability leads to inactivity way too often for me.

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