I know having sexual intercourse with my cousin was wrong. But it felt so right. To be honest, I’ve always felt some special way for him. Not sure if it’s the same way for him. But it is for me. We have defiantly always had a sexual tension. When we were younger we used to kiss and hump each other and stuff. So this has always been there. The other night was just the first time we acted upon it.
I love my cousin, but not in a cousin type love. But I could never tell him that. It’s killing me. I hate the thought of all of this and I hate the fact that all this has a word for it. Incest just seems so gross, so vulgar. I hate it. It isn’t my fault I have feelings for him. I’m trying to push them down and bury them like I had before. But it’s like us doing that, that night dug up all these emotions I had forgotten I had. I pray to God for forgiveness and I prayed that he’d help me make sense of what the hell all these thoughts mean. But I don’t think I’m going to have a break through anytime soon. Wow. I really am mentally disturbed.