I’ve been gone a while but it doesn’t mean that I don’t have stuff to write about.  This morning life feels like it will regurgitate one of the hardest experiences of ever been through my entire life. The further I think about it the more excruciating it is.  I had a dream this morning that foretold a very dark tornadoes that were coming our way, but as usual they did not touch me.  Makes a lot of sense on such is the story of my life in many aspects, but I’m unsure of such Elaine to the invasion that happened to me or if this is just talking about the current job roller coaster I’m consistently on.  My push to increase my pay is definitely the situation that the Angels are the powers that be do not want to give me,  yet the place I left sadly disrespected me in regards to the raise they said that they were going to give me .So somehow my life deems that it is necessary that I be disrespected or held down or believe in regards to my pay.  I worked so hard for things to be otherwise so this is indeed a situation for me,  situation and needs to be exposed.  Out of all the job interviews it up and going on and all the applications that I filled out and finally found one that would have helped facilitate further stability in regards to pay as I close in on another studio session .  No I had to tell her this morning that such is n’t a good fit for me. I’m angered and saddened.

I had a rigorous, definitely stifled, yet made it through work out.  I exuded the confidence to speak to this girl that had kind of caught my eye at the gym so that was cool .  I was nervous as hell but I still went through it.  It was weird though, most times, I’m really good with talking to people, but when it to comes to that kind of stuff, women just don’t understand that it takes a lot of nerve.  I want to say a lot more but it’s hard for me, I don’t like women getting in my head too much. Such can take your off of your focus.

I’d like to state to the powers to be, that I’m really trying hard.  I don’t know why I’m not being allowed to make more money amid such a desire to.  It’s as if they hate me. There are lots of times when I really regret going through whatever I had to go through that pulled me away from the most recent kinda long term job I had.  There are moments when I truly consider ending my life.  But, when you really study the schematics of things, that’s just something that can’t fit into the equation.  Such just simply does not equate with success.

I guess I’ll start getting ready for the other job or go to.  I do have that, and it will be refreshing to get ready for that without being rushed.  Stay positive, believe in the power of the light, and know yourself.


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