I’ve been feeling sad lately. Sad, and alone. Insignificant. Unwanted. Like I’m nobody’s priority. As hoaky and cheesy as it sounds, imagine an empty cardboard box, sitting in an alley, overlooked, rained on, decomposing. It’s served its purpose. It’s held things for other people. And now, it’s no longer needed. That’s how I’ve been feeling. Like an empty, rotting container.
I read two quotes today that really got to me. One was from tumblr….It said something along the lines of “There’s not a skeleton inside of you. You’re inside your skeleton. You’re a brain.” I don’t know why, but this both blew my mind and upset me at the same time. I can’t really put it into words, how mind-boggling and eye-opening this is. Like…I’m literally not this rotting shell. This is just the thing I occupy. My body and brain are two completely different entities. Sure, my brain controls my body, but I’m not my body. My body isn’t who I am, it’s just a shell for my mind. I could have this same brain, inside of someone else’s body. I could be a different race, a different sex, I could be disabled, I could be much fatter, or tiny and perfect, and still, essentially, think the same things that I do.
The second one made me cry. Maybe it was just because I’ve been looking for a reason to cry and get the toxins out, but I cried, nonetheless. It’s by Edvard Munch, the artist, and it goes like “From my rotting body, flowers shall grow and I am in them and that is eternity.” It conjured up imagery of death, and beauty, and growth. Again, I can’t really put it into words, just how beautiful this quote is to me. It’s beautiful and terrible and tragic and refreshing all at once. It conjures up pictures of bones and pink flowers. I actually want this tattooed to my body. Normally it takes me about 2-3 years before I actually decide to get a tattoo of something, but as soon as I read this quote and the tears started falling, I decided that I want this permanently on my body. This body that will rot and eventually give new life to something else.