So last night I got to see a friend that I haven’t seen in like a month it was nice seeing him he went off the grid for awhile and he didn’t tell me and it made me sad because I really don’t have many guy friends. So we hung out and I told him the whole Robbie and he thinks it’s BS. Like most of my friends had said the same thing and I texted Robbie other day because I know he loves me but I feel like he wants nothing to do with me. And he said he said he hasn’t had a chance to think about me or miss me because I’ve been texting him. And my feelings are that in one month I chased him away for far he wants nothing to do with me for 3 months and I keep thinking is this worth it I am bettering myself and I am doing it for me and my children and my family. But my thing is the first night I met Robbie he has my heart then and I let my walls down and I let him in and I feel like when he saw what was on my inside was that horrible that he ran away and said 3 months because maybe he is waiting for me to find someone else. And that’s my thing I can’t let go of Robbie until he tells me that he doesn’t love or care for anymore. So today wasn’t a good day so I went to work and during my lunch a friend messaged me and sent me two songs that spoke to me and I cried and broke down at work, I had to leave and I can’t keep doing this because I need to work so I called my psychiatrist I have an appointment tomorrow at 2:15. And I called my mom to have her calm me down and she texted me later and said she wishes she can take this away from me and I wish to but I am so glad she doesn’t have bipolar disorder because this sucks and I can barely function all I want to do is cry which will happen when my kids go to bed. I need to be strong for them. I wish that Robbie was here and the fact that he feels he needs 3 months space and that I don’t even know if I’ll see him Christmas and New Years and it cuts me deep in my heart. Am I hoping on to something that is hopeless to not work and if he had told me what was going on before I’d had stopped but he waited till he didn’t want to see me for 3 months. I am just so exhausted mentally. I wish for 1 day I wouldn’t have any of these disorders and get to be me. It’s hard for me to find myself when I don’t even know who I am because for 31years this disorder has defined me….