I REALLY need help from anybody!!!!!

I hate that I have to use my phone but here we go…

It’s fine if you don’t listen but I’d very deeply appreciate it if you did.  I need someone.  I can’t go to my family and I can’t go to friends.  Please, if you have anything to say then say it.  No sugar-coating.  Read everything – everything – before you say anything.

A few weeks ago I started going out with my current boyfriend (Carter).  A while before this I began talking a lot with this guy online (call him Lemon).  I was happy the way things were.  But time has passed and now things between me and Lemon are going downhill fast.  It’s starting to affect the way I feel about Carter.

At first Lemon was just a normal friend to me.  But he listened to all of my problems and made me feel better.  I had suspected he liked me a bit but after a little time he has shown me that he is “deeply in love” with me.  You could say it’s almost obsessively but I find it to be somewhat… nice, I suppose.

I’ve talked to him about my boyfriend because I’m still kind of into him.  But more and more he tells me about how awful it is to him to know I’m not his.  But today he has changed his mind…

See, Lemon has been slowly making me love him… and it makes Carter look like a bad boyfriend.  But I have been too afraid to tell Carter any of this or how I am feeling.  But today Lemon and I had a long talk about everything and he began crying.  But I didn’t… now he thinks I lied to him.  Like I told him I liked him but lied.  I do have feelings but I am beginning to think I am just gullible.  I’m a fool.  I really hate myself so hard right now.  I’d rather cut my leg off.  But I’m still not crying over this.  Why do I have to be such a sicko?!  I hurt him and soon I’ll hurt Carter.  I should have known.  I hurt every guy who’s ever liked me…

How do I even know he’s not just trying to guilt me into it?  What if Lemon is a “fuckboy”?  How am I supposed to be sure that my own boyfriend cares?  Do you think I fooled myself into feeling things for Lemon?  Or Carter?  (I have more questions but I can’t list them all here!)

I’d love to quote these conversations but that would take up my whole day and the day after.  Please, no sugar-coating.  Tell me everything you can.  I need your help.  I your opinions.  I need facts.  Please don’t leave me hanging because I never ask much from strangers.  If you need to know another detail, just ask me and then please contact me.  If you can’t keep up here, I have a Skype, a Steam, a Deviantart, something we can use if you are willing to share some knowledge and help me out.  I’m not experienced and I’m dumb!


… I guess I just don’t know how to love.  Only to hurt and be hurt.

3 thoughts on “I REALLY need help from anybody!!!!!”

  1. First of all, calm down. Take a deep breath. And cut yourself some slack. Emotions are not always an easy thing to understand and control. So what if you didn’t cry? Just because you didn’t doesn’t mean you don’t care! I never cried when my grandma passed, and I love her completely! It’s just not who I am. I don’t cry easily at all. And maybe you don’t either. It’s completely wrong for him to make you feel guilty for how you express your emotions. That’s manipulation.

    Next, talk to Carter about all of this. He deserves to know the situation and to be able to make the choice to stay in or leave the relationship. He also may provide you with some clarity. Who knows?

    In my experience, online “relationships”, more often than not, are fleeting and shallow. But, they’re also very exciting and full of temptation. Take a step back from your time with Lemon and allow yourself to think rationally about your entire situation. You have the capacity to handle all of this. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt. And, most definitely, DO NOT allow Lemon, or even Carter, to dictate how you feel and what you think. That is up to you only!

    Good luck 🙂

  2. In my opinion, you need to go to your boyfriend and have an honest conversation. Let him know about Lemon. Tell him what caused you to start talking to Lemon. There had to be something going on in your relationship that encouraged you to talk to someone outside of your relationship with your boyfriend. If your boyfriend is not receptive to your honesty, then, perhaps, you need to think about moving on. As far as Lemon, you only know his online persona. You can give him the benefit of the doubt but consider your options. Do you love your boyfriend? Do you see a future with him? Ask the same questions when thinking of Lemon. It is not fair to you nor to them to have a romance triangle. I hope this helps. One last word, it is something we hear all the time but honesty is the best policy.

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