I never thought about my future never working out just the way I planned it. Who does right? We all plan about where we will be in ten years and we create this ideal world never imagining what we will do when it doesn’t go as we predicted.
I imagined I’d be a doctor, married, with a couple of kids and a dog. To be honest, I’m not terribly far off. I’m not a doctor. But I work in a doctor’s office. I am married to a wonderful man who is kind, dependable, and the quietest person I know. I do have an adorable little dog who quickly became my whole world.
What I don’t have is children. We recently found out that we can’t have children. Our journey ended so abruptly that I’m still processing. What happens when something you always thought you’d have is taken away? You start to evaluate everything in your life. You start to wonder if you are being punished.
The journey has been hard. I’ve always had what others considered the perfect life. But no one ever sees what is behind the curtain. How our trials shape us. How we become someone we never thought we’d be. How many times someone loses themselves and finds a new, altered version of themselves.
I never took blogging or keeping a journal seriously before now. I never thought anyone would care about what I had to say. But the fact is, I care about what I have to say. I care about putting my journey out there. If someone reads it, great. If someone doesn’t that is ok too. I’m writing for me now. I’m finally doing something just for me.
I can’t guarantee it will always make sense. I can’t even guarantee it will be interesting. But for once in my life, it will be honest and 100% me.