I dreamt I was in high school – it was a math class and per my usual protesting, avoiding behavior, I hadn’t done my homework because it was too much of a mountain to climb. It was too daunting to do alone. So I didn’t even look at it –
Also, per usual, I felt guilty and ashamed that I hadn’t done it as I walked into class and saw my teacher. It was my life coach. The class was small and there were more math problems assigned as homework than students in the class. That was math I could do – it was probable that each student would be called on to walk the class through a solution. I frantically looked at the problems to see if there was anything I could quickly solve or had some intuited answer for – null.
It was the panic of being in school again and avoiding what was too hard. It was the shame and embarrassment of putting absolutely no effort in at all. It was the deflating result of resignation.
Today is a good day to ensure things happen. To take on healing and to let go of what I cannot control.