My First Journal

Okay I know that my title is a totally cliché but its true. So I have never done anything like this so don’t judge. I guess I should tell you a little about myself. I was a normal girl, not someone who would stand out much. That is until about 2 years ago when everything changed. Like I said I was a normal girl but you cant just stay the same when everything you loved is ripped away in a matter of days. My father died but that isn’t what changed me. What changed me was that I was give false hope. I was lied to. My father slowly died before my eyes for 3 long years and then when he was given the chance for a surgery that could save him the doctors took him off the list and said he would be fine. Not long later he started getting worse again and he died. After that I no longer trusted anyone. My mother took me to see my fathers dead body, not long after I started having panic attacks cause I would see those images flashing in my head. At the funeral I didn’t cry so my brothers looked me in the eye and said I was the devil. My parents had been apart so I thought I would still have my step-father, then that changed. My mom and my step-father started to fight and I had to move away. More of my family was taken away. I became sick and wouldn’t leave my room. I told everyone I was fine, inside I was dying. School started again and I became angry, the littlest thing could make me mad. People became scared of me even my teachers. I cant change what I did but now I don’t have many friends and I’m alone. I don’t feel anything anymore and I am going insane but no one knows. So this is me.

2 thoughts on “My First Journal”

  1. Wow, this is a lot to take! I genuinely hope that writing will make you feel better. I too lost a parent (my mother) a year ago, but from the moment she told me about her disease I knew it would be the end of her, so I had time to prepare and when it finally happened I had made peace with it already. I wish you all the best. Always keep in mind: if you are at the very bottom, time is on your side.

  2. You cant change the past but you CAN change the future you ……… You have got to decide to be happy and to do everything you can to make positive changes in your life for YOU !!! …… your father would want you to be happy …… when you do this people will start to feel the change too and before to long life will feel good again ……. life sucks sometimes… we all go through bad times and we all get craped on at some point but never and I say again NEVER let it defeat you ……. hold your head up , put a smile on your face and a song in your heart and LIVE …..you will miss your dad , I know I still do , it will get easier as time go’s by but he will always live on in your heart …. God bless you in this new year and keep posting in the journal and let me know how things are going , Ill be around ….. 🙂

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