Have you ever been friends with two people that are best friends. Like the inseparable at the hip kind of best friends? Well if you haven’t, let me tell you, it kind of sucks. To make the matters worse they are cousins and live seven houses away from each other. Now having friends that are closer to each other than you is not that bad, and I always expected these things to happen. They just don’t invite me places. Whenever I think that though the voice of my mother comes to the front of my mind saying “Well why didn’t you invite them over? You can’t expect people to always have you places if you don’t invite them over in return.”. The worst part is I can’t fight that logic. It is absolutely true, if you don’t actively be there in a relationship then you can’t expect the other person to do all the work. But – well shit I can’t think of a reasonable but in this situation anymore. I had this whole rant planned out in my head, but when I wrote the contradiction of it down I lost my argument. That’s a flow of thought for you.
There is leftover Chinese food in my fridge from last night – maybe I’ll eat my feeling over the rest of that. Jeez I sound pathetic. How did I let myself become so pathetic?
I set myself a goal to read 25 books this year, I don’t know how well that is going to go really. Perhaps not terribly, considering I’ve already read one, and I’m halfway through another. The one I’m in the middle of now is a Hawkeye comic. I’m not sure that I’m loving it, which pisses me off because that is 17 dollars I could have spent on a different book.
I’m nervous to go back to school. I couldn’t remember half the crap I needed too when I was in school, and by the time I get back I will have been gone for a little over a week. And don’t even get me started about midterms (they’re at the end of January). I do have less of a burden than most people, considering I’ve already taken two of my midterms. One was in orchestra, which wouldn’t have been stressful anyways but the other one was in Spanish. I am absolutely terrible at Spanish. I wish my school system wasn’t so poor that it had to cut language out of 7th and 8th grade, because maybe I would have been better if I had started to learn then. Well at least I got a 91 on the midterm, so that will boost my grade.
I want to do a lot of things this year, and I’m sure very few will get done. Like I want to write a book, but I’ve wanted to write a book since 6th grade and – well it hasn’t gone so well. I want to become a vegetarian, but I don’t know when I’ll start that – if I ever do. I also want to start running but…. Why am I telling myself I can’t do these things? It’s not like I said I want to climb Mt. Everest, but there I am stating something I want to do then retracting its worth as a goal. I’m really dumb sometimes you know that? I’m really dumb.