Beautifully and Wonderfully Made

Hi!! My name is Lauren and i am 16 years old (16 and a half in two weeks). I am a junior in high school and i live in VA. My hobbies include dancing (i am a competitive dancer), netflixing (yea i just made that word into a verb), and sleeping a lot. I am a honors student and i stress alot and hopefully this can be my way to destressing (doubt it. in fact, my family jokes around and say that i stress so much that i will probably pass in the next ten years. sounds morbid i know. but it is sorta true). Oh and i forgot to mention that i am an incredibly bad speller and grammarer… you have been warned lol. I decided to include this little bio/introduction since this is my very first journal entry. But i highly doubt anyone is going to be reading this but me.

After spending all of winter break binge watching Awkward, I’ve decided it was a good idea to start journaling. Now it journal entry is suppose to be posted on January 1, but I came up with the idea around 11 o’clock, then i spent over thirty minutes looking a actual journal that was given to me on my birthday (only to find out that i gave it to my mother a few months ago). Next I was going download an app, but then I remembered that i have absolutely no space neither my phone or IPad so that was a bad idea. So i restored to the interweb. Its stupid because everyone says that everything you put on the internet is public and can be traced back to you, but i have no other medium (plus what other better way to journal then using the medium i am on 24/7). I wanted to make a journal because i feel like it will be fun Aden interesting to look back on my days and thought around this time next year. I want to write everyday. but i am pretty positive that I’ll forget about it in a month or so. like i do every other resolution i make but what the hey, why not give it a whirl. I am already getting lazy at this, but this website does not auto correct my text and give been too lazy to constantly every word but whatever. 

Anyways, I guess ill write something with substance now. I wanted to say about a year ago (maybe more), my best friend at the time (long story, ill explain later) give me the Demi lovato Stay Strong book. I was in a bad space then and i asked for the book because i felt that it wouldve helped me feel better. Cut to the chase, i never read it. on my defense, she gave it to me for my birthday, which is basically in the middle of the year, and the book starts on Jan 1 and a new little saying everyday. I am going to really try to reading it this year and keep up with it. But its fate may end up like this journal. The first thing Demi talks about in this book is that she made a mantra for herself. Basically a mantra is a little saying she said everyday as a reminder for herself. It then instructs the reader to make one of his/her own. Until i am a unoriginal ass, ive decided to take her that she states in the book 

“I am beautifully and wonderfully made.” 

I thought this was beautiful. I do struggle with my own self esteem and identity. Hence why i spend over 30 minutes to put makeup on for school and will never leave my house without it. But its not jus that. Its more than skin deep. I struggle with my own self worth many of times. I see everyone around me having a relationship and i wonder everyday, whats wrong with me. Why doesnt anyone seem to want me? i choose this mantra because i need to remind myself everyday that i was made for a reason and although i may not know the reason or see its benefits just yet, the time will eventually come for me to see because i am beautifully and wonderfully made and no one can change that. 


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