Happy New Year. I had to collect my thoughts for this journal entry. I started new years eve with starting anew in my relationship. Me and my boyfriend decided to work harder on getting things back on track. I do feel like this is our second chance at love and we need to do everything we can to make it work. Ilove him and want him part of my life forever. I plan on marrying him and we need to be together mentally and emotionally to be a succesfull couple.
My son came home from his Christmas vacation from his dads and his suitcase was almost empty. Apparently the money I spent on new clothes was too small even though they brand new, they were ultimately thrown away. His father does things like that. Also the whole time he was there, my sons dad repeatedly told my son how much I am not taking care of him. I get a email today from his new wife about what I do wrong as a mother and why I shouldnt have children. To hear that at a mom, it sucks. My son gets straight A’s in school. His doctor says he’s healthy, he eats veggies and healthy food. He is at great weight, is incredibly smart. Me and my boyfriend give so much love and he treats my son like his own. I honestly dont know what else to do to be perfect because I cant be perfect. My son knows how much I try and love him and I need to start learning that, that is enough.
His dad knows how to bring me down, that was the only thing he is good at and being a domestic violence survivor from him, I have to learn how to stand up for myself and tell him how I feel with no fear of consequences. I have to say I never saw myself stand up to him ever. I need to start believing I can. This is a new year, I need to start it by standing up for myself. Even to the man I once feared.