I have spent 618 days being a Domestic Abuse Survivor; although, some days I still feel a prisoner to what I endured. I escaped, relocated and reinvented my life. I have a friend from back home (the only person that I still have ties too from that life other than my sister. I have a wonderfully loving daughter and believe it or not even my ex husband her father (not my abuser) and his wife have been very supportive. The friend from the past whom I have been very close too finally after 7 years admitted that he loves me and wants a life with me. He says he is willing to relocate because I will never go back there. He is 13 years older than me and the problem that I have is he does not understand PTSD. He feels that when I mention the nightmares or put a quote that is dark on social media that I am begging for sympathy or attention. He does not understand that the part of my brain that trust, questions every detail, questions loyalty and has trouble believing I am worthy is the part of me that is broken. I love him always have even before I was in the troubling relationships. At that point in my life I didn’t know what I wanted. Now I do. The part of my brain that loves and is loyal is still in tact I just don’t know if things will work out with someone that does not understand why I am the way I am. I try to explain it to him but he just thinks I should be able to put it in the past. I am seeing a counselor and I am on medication for anxiety. Since my posting in social media affects him I chose to use this as an outlet. Am I allowing someone else to control me all over again? The distant (4 hours away) causing me anxiety since trust is a problem for me. Things are so great when we are together. I have had other people ask me out but the fear is just to great. I live alone with my dog and I would like to have someone special in my life. Is it to soon for me to be in a relationship even though it seems so long that I have been alone? I am questioning every thing not just him but every move I make seems confusing right now. If you read this and would like to comment I read them all. I realize this may seem like rambling but it is how the words in my head are at the moment.