Pic: playing cards obtained to play games with family over the holidays that were never opened, while symbolic of who I truly trust…
A cherished friend of mine who I no longer have in my life (like most people I’ve truly cared for) used to say, “The struggle is real..”
When your back is truly against the wall, you’ll find out who you can really trust. Which currently seems & feels like no one. (No disrespect to those who truly do care, but I do not see such manifested, if such is truly trill.)
Currently, I’m amid the darkest episode up to date. I’m forced to embrace another episode of such tomorrow. Like clockwork the people closest to me have supplied me with a heaping dose of negativity to swallow along with the dark. If we do have Angels & a God who undergirds our well being and inner wishes, such is indeed trying to at least sabotage mine (or make sure that it appears so).
Since I understood for myself what religion really is (to my intellect at least), a form of mind control, I’ve been able to discern when religious people around are moving against my well being. My parents, who are devout followers of a cult organization (who I feel have tailored it’s followers to be motivated against others for the sake of the religious leader’s wealth, arranged in the name of Christ) have assuredly moved vs me amid situations when I truly needed their support. It always happens when I’m succeeding or doing well. (Note: every time I’ve been wrongfully terminated or nearly beaten to death by police, I’ve seen the leaders of that church hours before. Real talk. I’ve spoken to my family about this, including one minister’s attempt to sexually assault me, and my family continues to uphold these people as leaders they should follow. They say they don’t, yet they’re amid there presence every week like clockwork.) The attorney I now have is religious too. She’s no longer answering my calls or texts before a hearing. What would you think, what would you do?
Now, it appears as the passive aggressive extension of them, the state, and now my representative vs such, have indeed sought to jab vs me again. Now, my freedom & livelihood are on the stand.
I have no idea what to do, except post my art. I’ve prayed & affirmed thoughts (like I did before I was forced to move along from positions where I made others wealthy), and again, I’m amid uncertain, pain, and dark. I’ve now chosen to add my name, which I tried to keep secretive for sometime (I’m beating any haters to the punch of slandering my name online, since in actual life, it’s seemingly taking one hell of a beating) . Wish me luck, if any one is reading this. I’m truly scared. But, they say that what won’t kill us, makes us stronger. Well, God, if you’re listening, know this. I kind of feel like life either does n’t want me around, or this path I’ve chosen requires an embrace of a large amount of what don’t feel right…