wondering who I want to be

When we’re little we all have a list of things we want to be when we grow up. While I still remember my list, I’m also not a child anymore. I’m a struggling single mom with no clue who I want to be. It’s harder now. I no longer feel like anything is  possible.  Now I just feel jaded and tired. Beyond what I want to be ( career wise) I have no idea Who I want to be. Beyond being a good mother to my daughter, I just have no idea. I don’t really like who I am now. My best friend tells me that I have become too jaded, too bitter, too hard hearted. She tells me that I forgot how to smile and didn’t even realize it. I used to smile all the time. I used to laugh a lot and was good with people. Now the thought of meeting new people makes me want to shut down and hide. I don’t really want to be who I used to be but I also don’t want to be who I am right now. I want to change, I just don’t know how. I don’t know who I want to be. I do miss the days when I believed anything was possible,  when I believed with all my heart in happily ever afters. Now it’s just hard to believe in tomorrow. When did I become so sad? 

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