Because my dad was drunk a lot of the time, I couldn’t have friends over or spend the night. I never had a birthday party after I turned 10, and that one was at an indoor swimming pool at a local college- not at my house. When I was a young teenager trying to navigate “liking boys,” my very drunk dad picked up the phone when I was talking to a boy I really liked. I was mortified. I pretended I didn’t know how that happened or who that was on the line. Being an adolescent is hard even if you have a typical family, for me, it was almost unbearable. I was too embarrassed to talk to that boy, anymore. I hoped he would forget about what happened on the phone if he didn’t see or hear from me, anymore.
Just Keep Swimming
I am a 48 year old adult child of an alcoholic. My childhood could have been a Lifetime movie. I am dealing with PTSD, anxiety, and severe depression as a result. I am working on gaining an understanding as to what this means and learning how to be okay with myself. Some days, just killing myself and being done with it seems like the most sensible option. On those days, I keep telling myself, "just keep breathing in and out, that's enough for today."