This Boy…

There was this boy I met in the fifth grade. He had just moved from another county and we became “friends” you can say. His biggest issue was that he made fun of me. He was a total ass. He pointed out my flaws andlaughed sith his friends. It hurt her, a lot, because he was the first person to ever “bully” her…

Throughout the years they never talked again… Until their sophomore year. It had been four years… Sophomore year we had every class together except one. He started talking to me again and he picked on me with his freinds. But it was nothing serious. My freinds told me he liked me and I believed them because it really did feel like it. 

Junior year we had a couple of classes together again and he still liked to mess with me. I was okay with him, well if you call okay hating him. I hated him with a passion. I hated him so much and i had never hated anyone before. In the second semester, we had American History II together and I saw him in the parking lot and hallways at times. In AHII we argued a lot… We got into trouble several times for arguing, it’s just something that had started happening since we started talking again. I hated him and he picked on me.  Well anyways, that senester changed me a lot more than anybody would ever know. A lot more than anybody will ever know. On the day after we were let out for spring break he was in a car accident. He was injured badly. 

He didn’t come back at all the rest of the semester. He had literally just dropped off the face of the earth, in my opinion. I was going crazy, i am really weird therefore i think weird. I was going crazy with the thought that i had wished this pain on him. That i had wished this terrible accident on him. I felt so bad and i just started to think. And once i started to think, i couldnt stop. I could not stop thinking about him. I was going crazy just thinking about him, about worrying about him. I dreamed every night of him. I didnt sleep. I started at his empty desk for a whole semester. All this continued into the summer. I didnt go to school over the summer but it did not stop me from thinking about him. I just wanted to know he was okay… I didnt get to find out until he came back just for that one day, the exam of AHII. 

It might have been the levels of dopamine in my body or just an illusion, but as soon as we returned to school i found him attractive and i started to like him. And let me just say, senior year itself is total hell. And if you add on top band and your social life its even worse. Well, this boy has been hitting on me for years and i had never even touched him or he me. He touched me for the first time in room 9 of the library. He touched my hand while we were working on a project. Throughout the semester he put gis arm around my shoulders several times.. I pushed him away several times and i mess with him back. And we have been stuck together several times because my teacher always seems to put us together.  And let me just say. I have wasted the last 8 months on the studest boy ever. At least I didnt fall in love. 

He is such a douche, i now realize. He picks on me and i don’t know why. He is the only person I never seem to be able to make him stop. I tell him to stop and it never works. I am so done. I definately do not need this negativity in my life. I don’t want him. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. We have history and i used to feel I never gave him a chance and that i just hated him for those two or three times he made fun of me in elementary. But i feel like i was right. I should not have felt guilty, i should not have felt anything. At all. I should of left everything alone. But now i like my agressor. I can not stop thinking about him. And i have no idea how or what to do. 

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