Loneliness, Emptiness,Sadness, Regret.
The sun comes up and I feel more alone than every before. I cry till I fall asleep, Wake just to cry some more. I’m good at hiding the pain most of the time. I can fake a smile, a laugh, and sweet hello. The make up becomes my mask until more comes and the pain hits me again. A pain that is deep within my soul, a void that seems to never be filled. Feels like an eternity until I will no longer feel this way. I feel destined to always feel the way I do. What if this is as good as it gets. Alone, Always, alone. 6-17-14
I wrote that last year. I have to say things have gotten better in some ways. But the reason why I wrote this seems to be the same. I just have to be strong and keep telling myself I am worth more. It will sink in.
As for as my day was going. I made great choices at the grocery store today, and at meal times. I am not perfect yet but baby steps are more than I was doing before. I meant to start walking today but I came up with every reason why I couldn’t I will have to get better. I know it will be different once I start. I still have the ass at the end of the hall way. Some days are good others are not. But tomorrow is a new day. I am say I am in a different place than I was 6 months ago. Same reasoning for the pain but in a different place. I will get there.