Something from 6-15

Loneliness, Emptiness,Sadness, Regret.

The sun comes up and I feel more alone than every before.  I cry till I fall asleep, Wake just to cry some more.  I’m good at hiding the pain most of the time.  I can fake a smile, a laugh, and sweet hello.  The make up becomes my mask until more comes and the pain hits me again.  A pain that is deep within my soul, a void that seems to never be filled.  Feels like an eternity until I will no longer feel this way.  I feel destined to always feel the way I do.  What if this is as good as it gets.  Alone, Always, alone.  6-17-14

I wrote that last year.  I have to say things have gotten better in some ways. But the reason why I wrote this seems to be the same.  I just have to be strong and keep telling myself I am worth more.  It will sink in.

As for as my day was going.  I made great choices at the grocery store today, and at meal times.  I am not perfect yet but baby steps are more than I was doing before.  I meant to start walking today but I came up with every reason why I couldn’t  I will have to get better.  I know it will be different once I start.  I still have the ass at the end of the hall way.  Some days are good others are not.  But tomorrow is a new day.  I am say I am in a different place than I was  6 months ago.  Same reasoning for the pain but in a different place.  I will get there.  

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