Well, I don’t even know what exactly make me start writing this. Even as I’m typing this, I don’t know.
But let’s just let it out in writing won’t we. No harms would come from them would it? The blinking of this thing in word waiting for my next letter to be punched in is quite irritating. It’s as if its saying hurry, what’s next? Now that can be the cause of annoyance right? Maybe not if I’m not in my foul mood as I am now. I feel like maybe it would be better to have those old typewriter machine that make loud noises as you punched in every letter and you had to manually set it back just to write in the next line. But those noises may be worth of what we are doing and might add value to our work. You know, the hard work we put to our work. That sounds quite redundant. Who cares? Me I guess. That rhymes. I’m totally talking/writing/typing nonsense right now. Just be glad that there’s no one would know. They say that when someone write something, they wrote it with the knowledge or intention of letting someone else read it regardless if it is their intention or not. But in the case of someone else reading it, I think that it was by chance. It was not in our control. Even if we had presented our writings in public, they might have ‘seen’ them, not ‘read’ them. And when we kept our writings, it might or might not be read by someone else. There’s no way of knowing, is there? It has been a long time since I would think when writing. I think it’s good but maybe it’s not. It depends on situations too. I know how to correct the wrong ones but it’s my choice whether to correct it or not and I know that.
You know, that day it does made me feel bad. They are old. I am young, much younger and I’m their daughter. I know better than to act like that don’t I. Why can’t they keep it? Why can’t I? Maybe because there’s no place to hide so, I just ran. We are not good at holding back, but we always run away, we hide and we come out once it has settled down. Then, act like nothing happened. That’s our routine right. Never solving, always running. Is it the easy way out? Maybe at that moment it’s easy. But as time goes by, it would always came back to us, piling on us slowly, bit by bit like the soft snow falling in winter. Piling snow could lead to disasters beyond imagination, it may even be an avalanche triggered by a small tiny event. Yes, my avalanche had already happened. Even I had not expected it. Of course, who could expect something like that? The hill might clear out after that. But life goes on. And there are bound to be another snowfall right? Even if it’s not in the winter. Even if it’s not continuous, it will still happen. I know the sunlight could melt them away. I just hope I let the sunlight in instead of letting myself stay in ignorance, in arrogance, in blindness, in darkness, and being just plain stupid.
Stupidity is the one thing I do know I hate. I hate being stupid, I hate to act stupid, I hate stupid people, I hate stupid decision and most of all, I hate stupid act by me or any other. Why? Because it would affect others, always. It’s a stupid act, of course it would affect others. And when it was done unintentionally, regrets would come. For me, regret is a waste of time. It does not feel good, nor would it change what had already happened. But if you want to regret, then please think with all your might not on how you can change what you already can’t but think about what you can do from now on to make up for it. There’s no such thing as too late. As long as you are alive, as long as you are breathing, it’s never too late. Think about those who are already dead. They don’t have second chance. You are having that chance at the present. Do you pity the dead? Maybe they pity you. For not realizing what kind of chances you passed by.