How can I help him? Part 2

Why can’t I find peace admitting something is/isn’t wrong. Today’s conference wasn’t any different than the others. Starts with anxiety and fear. Then comes comfort bc it’s all the weakness I already know. Next aggravation that despite all the extra work and money he is still struggling. Then there is denial. If I don’t say it, it’s doesn’t exist. Next up is acknowledgment. Lastly the feeling of shame and failure. Shame that I am admitting he needs help. Failure.. The worst feeling of all… Feeling I have failed Matthew. Feeling I have failed as a parent…. Then I leave the conference, get into my car and all those exact feelings(in order) happen all over again. This cycle of feelings will continue through the coming weeks-adding in some anger, hopelessness, and helplessness. I want to be able to fix him. I want a specific problem so I can find a specific solution. I want him to have all the opportunities possible in order to be successful. He has such a willingness to please. What is the right path??


You know what? I’m pissed! I just fucking pissed off! I don’t know at what or who specifically… I just want to help him!!!! How can i help him?!?

Want to cry but can’t. The feeling of all ur feelings building up, tension, stress, anxiety.. How do u make it go away? How to calm? How to people deal without isolating and procrastination.. I can’t control my thought enough…

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