Panic attack

Hello my diary..Today is saturday but i still have school i had to wake up at 5 AM so i can get ready for school then I as every week when i go to school in the morning had to go to the train station… There was not so many people and it was cold outside and i never go in the waiting room so i decidem to go.. Of course there were some girls 2 types  those who are bitches and and those who are bitches but think they are not.. They where sitting on each bench.. when i opend the waiting room’s door  one girl( she’s step sister of my step sister) she looked at me and i felt it was not good look.. so i sat on the bench and then the silence became.. It was unpleasantly.. Then after some time they started to talkig a bit and i was waiting around 20 minutes for train to come and i started quietly drumming my fingers on the bench.. It was annoying those ”not bitches” girls and she showed me that she was nervous… i did not bother anyone but them she said can you stop i said i cant by the way those girls were alwqys mean to me so if they can be mean to me i can be mean to them and i did not give a fuck do i annoy them.. Later when the train came i went into trin it was empty tnx god cause when its full there is not seats.. I forgot to write m homework so i did that in train.. we came in the town where i go to school so i was walking to the school and there was one guy who hate me and  2  girls from WE ARE NOT BITCHES group ah.. and i was passing by them and the girl say: ”hey where do you buy that for your eyes cause they are always black i want it” The guy near her continued ”hahaha she buys it in the Chinese shop” I was walking and I was not looking at them just showed them middle finger the girl said: ”Stick it in the ass” and then i did not pay any attention.. I arrived in m school i sat on the bench to wait the professior.. Nobody talked to me or said anything to me only one girl asked me smt when she needed help.. ahh.. ok so i had classes and i had english class.. A girl sat with me cause she dont understand english and she is lazy so she crib from me but today i did not let her when she tried to crib from me i said ohh now your taking to me when u need help.. and i did not let her crib from me.. I wont be so good anymore.. After school my parents were waiting me and we went to shop.. first we went in one shop and there i found one cute   striped hoody 😀 and i found some cap with ears it says help on it .. we went to other shop where i bought some little small notes and they were black with smart lines on it.. then we went in one more shop where i found cute gray hody with cat ears on hood it was so soft and fluffy also in that shop called new yorker i bought headscarf..and full black stark.. in the car on the way home i was happy after so man sad day i was smilling i was happy for a moment butthen we went home.. but when i go with my mom to the shop he start to fight in the middle of shop where people can hear her and she fight for things that she can tell me at home but she always says the same thing everytime everywhere it really frustrting.. last time when i went with my step sister it was all alright relaxing but when  i go with my mom its a circus.. When we went home my mom started again talking when my dad left house cause he was busy she started i was really frustrated i told her please stop talking i dont wanna talk with you at the moment she was cursing and screaming shouting at me and i started to cry i was so frustrated but my mom dont let me cry she said stop crying or you will end up outside i cannot stop cry cause she was shouting more and more and almost punched me.. I had a panic attack was crying shaking i could not stay i felt like its end and she started to scream so loud that i am crazy psychopat that i need a  psychiatrist and i went to my room i did not had air i could not breath cause i was breathing so fast i could not catch an air and later i calm down but my mom now came to my room and started to yell at me again i tried to tell you as everytime i always say to her nicely pls mom when you see i am mad i tell you when im nervous to dont talk to me cause i dont feel like it she dont wanna listen she keep yelling and then i had another panic attack i was screaming and idk wt else i was doing i wanted to die  later she came again in my room i said: mom…. that was … panic attack…its sickness.. she did not want to listen to me she said that she is also sick of everything that she is sick of me when that tell you the person who actually born you well its really heartbreaking and paintfull.. later when that finished i was on fb talking with my best friends cause i dont have friends irl only on fb i have and then evening came and i went to sleep..

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