If it had eyes, it would be staring right into my soul…
Fortunately for me this chocolate bar can’t judge me. No questioning looks of disapproval, or tut-tut-tutting of the tongue coming at me tonight. Well, not if you disregard the voices in my head, the inner most parts of me that know this has become a problem and are fighting desperately to get out- to break through to me and make a change. They’ve been screaming so loud lately that it’s next to impossible to ignore them now.
Why should I? I’ve been running from this change for a long time now; pretending the weight hasn’t been adding up, the clothes haven’t stopped fitting, my friends and family haven’t been looking at me just a little bit differently. It’s exhausting to ignore what has become of my body and keep running from the truth. At least I can say I’ve done ANY running in the past year, I suppose. But that’s not good enough, not anymore.
Today I make a change and I take back control of my life.
To make a long story short (by cutting out all of the excuses and self-pity) here’s a brief snapshot of where I’m at: as an athlete right up through graduating college I’ve been pretty consistent in my body. The biggest changes have been most noticible usually when I’ve lost a little bit “too much” weight , as some (usually my mother) would say, but for the most part I’ve always been pretty healthy and active. On my off seasons I could still eat a generous mix of junk food and healthy items and fluctuate only minimal amounts while only working out a few times a week, if I even had time for that. Since leaving school & ending my career as a competitive cheerleader I have quickly gained weight, lost muscle, and killed my own self-esteem. Just recently have I begun to understand that this is something that I DID TO MYSELF. No one has forced that extra scoop of ice cream into my bowl, held me to my late night binges, or taken away all of my healthy options. In fact, my house is, for the most part, sugar free and organic (a recent change in the past 6 months due to family health issues). No one in my family is by any means a picture of perfect health, but not one of them is to blame for my current shortcomings.
I HAVE ALLOWED THIS to happen and allowed my cravings to take over my life and my body. Until today. Today I make the decision to change.
I can’t guarantee that it will be fun, and lord knows it won’t be easy for me, but I am going to make myself my #1 priority for a little while. One change at a time, one workout at a time and one healthier option at a time I will take back control of the ONLY thing in this world I have full control over -MYSELF.
Im hoping that writing it all down, each step of the journey, will not inky help me to keep sight of my goals, but also to remind me of where I’ve been.
It will be good, there will be bad, and there will probably be some ugly. But I’m going from HANGRY to HAPPY no matter how long it takes. 😊