For years I have thought that my purpose in life was to find love– you know because I am a hard core hopeless romantic. But the moment I found the most perfect, captivating, and breath taking man… It seems that my entire would gets lit on fire and left to crumble into a big pile of ashes.
In the beginning, there was nothing but long paragraphs to one another of how much we loved one another, how we filled each others lives up with pure happiness and love, how we were the purpose of each others existence. But we were six hundred twenty-eight miles apart, him in Oregon and I in Nevada. We swore and promised that the distance and that absolutely nothing in this world could tear us apart. Nothing could change the way that we felt about one another and that even though we weren’t each others first– we would be each others last. I believed him. He made me believe him with all my heart that he was different, that I could put all my faith in him and give him my entire heart and trust him a hundred in fifty percent not to break it. He made me believe that I had found the love of my life, the one that I had been searching for, for all these lonely and dreadful years of my life. He had me convinced that I was the only girl he ever wanted to be apart of his life ever again. But that’s the thing, the most common lesson I have ever learned within the years I have been alive is that once I begin to believe something truly and begin to become comfortable and have hope… It all puts me in the same place as I started. In the world of loneliness, hopelessness, painfulness, and absolute regret. Congratulations baby boy, you have convinced me to trust you with all that I had and once I give you all that I got which in return you gave me nothing. You took my heart and crumbled it until there was nothing left. You have convinced me that I really am not made for love, and every single time that I may have a chance… It’ll be nothing but a big world of fire and disaster.
Congratulations sweetheart, I fell head over heals for you and had loved you from the very beginning was more than willing to give you everything you could ever possibly want or ask for. I would have loved you so very unconditionally until death and even after so. I would have made you the happiest for the rest of your life. I would have been able to live up to every single promise I had made you… and I would have been able to know what it would have been like for someone to keep the promises that they had made to me…
But somethings are just too good to be true. For me, the story of my life will be continually being written and wont have the happy ending that you and I were trying to create.
I am so sorry for opening myself up to you to where it was so very easy for you to rip me apart. I am sorry for trusting you.
Lots of Love,