Still feeling left out and separated, but it does n’t really matter…
I’ve realized that I talk to myself about things from both sides of my brain, combatting each position with each other. I tried to receive counseling, therapy, or just someone to talk to about this and the things that irk me about life. My life, like pretty much everything I encounter, just forces me to exude through it. I keep wondering when all the sacrifice will pay off. Still, just about two hours a week, workouts every day, and no sex or social life. The only people I typically see, I force away because of their negativity. It’s a miracle that I have n’t hurt myself or someone else. It really feels at times like life hates me.
Then I force my self to remember that situations could always be worse than they appear or are. I figured that out after events turned me toward the darkest moment in my life. It was as if life displayed it’s best hand at revealing that we’re destined for fall, in return for my best version of: what now?
My body is not allowing me to add new women to empower, but the attractive ones are moving differently around me. A women I would’ve indeed ‘encountered’ purposefully allowed me to get at her, after it was obvious I already could’ve. Still, after everything that’s occurred with me, along with what I know and see, I can’t go after them. So, see? I’m f***** either way. At least I don’t have to deal with the dreary that always accompanies me if I jerk off. I swear, I’m the only guy who goes through this. If I am, when does the reward for this s**** happen. I don’t know. Who cares…?
There’s a lot to do. No one to do it except me. This is all the price I pay for struggle & unknown.