Time: Double Edged Sword

I find time to be a real pain in the ass but it really depends on how you work with it.  First of all, it’s all relative to our own sanity and creation.  I find that time is something I year for more of or to waste.  I want my work day to end so I can do what I want but then will pass my free time because I am waiting for something else to come my way.  

I don’t like having felt that my time was wasted at jobs I didn’t like or with people who were jerks.  Yet somehow, I find that it’s all in the past now anyway.  I also know time, when too much of it is available, becomes problematic.  

Even though you may use it wisely, it still always passes.  At the end of the day, you have the experiences you create in the time you have.  I have found little things I used to put off in the name of time, like chores, aren’t nearly as time consuming as I think, when actually watching the clock and seeing how many minutes it takes me to load the dishwasher.  Ive have felt the weight of the clock on my shoulders when having the time to work at building my own career where every action is weighted with the pressure of “this better make me a buck or a lot” and realizing for a creative mind, too much free time is often not a good thing as distractions creep in and also, each moment becomes more epic in what’s expected to be accmplished with this elusive time that we now suddenly have that in panic and fear and hurriedness it can be wasted away without clear direction.  Whereas when your time is limited you become hyper focused and clear on exactly what has to be done with the moments you do have.  

I imagine it might be like the Tim McGraw song – where he sings of his father living like he were dying and how it changed his perspective to be a risk taker in all areas of life including with his heart by letting things go easier, seeing the best in people through love, and really enjoying each moment for the sake of enjoying it.  

What is the point of all this?  I have been learning to stop putting so much pressure on time and everything that comes with it, what isn’t done yet, when will things happen, feeling too old or young or whatever.  I have learned, especially while working toward my never ending list of ambitious goals that each step I take right now is rewarding in its own right and doesn’t have to be about the time or the final point in time in which I am doing this or that full time and making a living.  It can be about the right now moment and energy and anticipation of what the potential things to come will hold for me and the excitement surrounding these things.

So instead of being consumed or defined or limited by time I’m going to embrace each moment with each wonderful thing I get to experience even the unwanted and let it be what it is, it’s all mine, my time, my experience, my life.  Right now.  


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