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decisions.

I know it seems like I like you in the beginning, because I do. I love the attention and I love that someone is into me. You wanna hang out, you wanna see me and of course I’ll hang out with you just because you never know where something could go. Maybe you’ll be great but maybe we won’t work out. But lately it seems to feel like I’ll never be able to be in a serious relationship. I start seeing someone and we hang out and all is good but then I lay down at night and everything starts to go through my mind. My mind races and it can’t stop. I have trust issues. I have insecurities. When I think about being with the 29 year old, I almost cringe. But why? He wants to spend time with me, he wants to see me happy. But he doesn’t know the real, true me. He knows what I’ve told him(which isn’t much) but I feel like I can’t tell him but I don’t know why. when I met the 23 year old, it felt like I had known him my whole life. I instantly clicked and felt like I could trust him. But then he went back to his ex. He completely stopped talking to me and it felt like he wanted nothing to do with me. And then I was his ‘side hoe’. But that stopped quick. You don’t cheat on somebody you love. Even though it stopped and he’s still with his ex, I still miss him. I don’t want him out of my life. I don’t understand how I can feel this was about 23 when he’s a complete ass and not want to be with 29. But isn’t that the thing about relationships. Aren’t they supposed to be about whether you click or not? I just feel like I never clicked with 29, but that might also be because of the age gap. Just like that, the age back on my mind. “Age doesn’t make a difference.” No, not right now it doesn’t, but it will. I don’t understand why I’m such a difficult person or why my mind thinks the way it does. But when I say I can trust you and once I tell you my life story, just know I click with you and that I do like you. 

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