I’m Not Selfish, But it’s Mine

Yes, Hi… I am not selfish. Not wanting others to not use the things I find as my prized possessions does not mean I am selfish. First of all… I did not ask for a car. My parents are the ones who bought me a simple car to help me get by my everyday life. Thank you, parents. Second of all, I have no problems taking them to places and giving them rides when I am free. Finally, I am so offended when I am being called selfish cause I don’t want to give my car to my mum… She has nothing that important to do, and dad already told her he would be glad to take her to where she wants to go. She knows I have a lot to do in the next morning… Like the gym (cause I am fucking fat and working out right now to lose weight so my family can stop fat shaming me), and going to the dentist later (cause my family wants me to solve every little tooth problem and get them whitened so I can look perfect when I smile)!!! I swear, this is the most honest journal I have ever written (typed) cause I am so angry right now…. It’s not about weather or not I am selfish, really… its about that yes my family are good people, but I am being emotionally abused 24/7. I am still being fat shammed (even though I lost 2 kg’s in less than 1 month) as I am working out daily… also being insulted whenever I ask about a topic that I want to learn about (as n they call me names and make me feel stupid for not knowing something… sorry I fucking asked)… Always taking my brothers side when I am the victim of his emotional bullying.  Fresh example: few days ago, he said he feels ashamed and embarrassed when he is out with me… I asked why, and he said its cause I am fat. I told him hey, dont worry… Ill never ask to go out and chill with you anymore.

Before you tell me that its weird that I still live with my parents and all… please know Im an arab, and usually arab women move out of the nest when they are married. Which brings me to the next topic… Im 23, and mum keeps saying that Im such a failure now for having no job and husband right now. I have friends who are getting engaged that are younger than me, and mum keeps telling me that I should take them as an example. Really? There is no one in my life now… how is that my fault? You think I like being unemployed and single…? Im just really happy now that I am working out at the gym, doing art work, and reading all day…. why cant you just leave me alone? why do I have to be like other girls? why am I crying? 

2 thoughts on “I’m Not Selfish, But it’s Mine”

  1. Hi there. It sounds like you weren’t really looking for anyone to reply and more that you’re just getting things out “there” and out of your mind. Having said that, I hope you don’t mind my reply anyway…

    I’m sorry that you aren’t getting the love and support that you, as a person need and more importantly deserve. It sounds like your family DOES love you and does care, but unfortunately for whatever reason they aren’t able to really show that. Be strong and I know it’s probably hard, but I hope you can realize that those are their own inadequacies. Stay strong and best of luck to you.

  2. posting a public journal means that i welcome others to comment… so it does not bother me that you replied. Thanks…
    You are right about the fact that I am not getting the love and support that I really need right now… so my perspective towards a happy family isn’t really something stored in my memory, cause all I see is negative comments and such.

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