Messy Thoughts

These journal entries have mainly been about my ex crush and how emotionally fucked up our whole situation made me. ANYWHO…

I’m doing better than I was compared to October and November. I’m not interested in him anymore romantically. However, I still have anger towards him. I feel like it’s unhealthy to keep this resentment towards him. It’s not like I’m stalking his social media and making myself angry – I unfollowed him on everything because his posts were annoying me, so I detached myself from that type of energy. But I have a class with him everyday so it’s difficult to not get annoyed by the mere sight of him.

I want to detach myself from having anger towards him in general. Yes what he did was fucked up to me and apologized for it two times. However, I get negatively affected when I see him. Not as in “Boo-hoo you broke my heart.” More as in “Fuck you bitch,get out of here.”  

But at the same time, I understand why he did what he did. I understand he is immature because he’s a teenage boy. But I just still have this anger towards him. I guess I’m angry because for eight years we’ve liked each other and right when he asks me out, he suddenly takes it back and says he isn’t ready. 

I know eventually I will completely get over him. I’m in the “anger phase”. Just wish I could get over him as soon as possible.

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