I don’t know how long this has been going on, but I know it needs to end. This…charade has been taxing on not only my heart, but my mind, my soul even. I don’t understand the things that go on, I don’t know what she wants. But the more time I spend in limbo, the more I think that it isn’t me. Despite what she says, despite how I feel, the connection isn’t the same. The spark we had has gone out. And perhaps it’s for the best. A mutual, physical attraction exasperated by proximity and desire. But underneath all of that, I don’t really think we’re compatible. It’s a freeing realization, but it hurts at the same time. I come to realize that I’ve never allowed myself to fully embrace the idea of dating someone else, because the ‘what if’ is always in the back of my mind. I think it’s time to finally release both her and myself from these expectations, to accept the fact that what I want and what she wants are two different things. I’ll always have love for her, I’ll always care for her, but I finally think it’s time to move on. I’ll remember what we had, and cherish the memories, but it’s time I stopped living in the past and look towards the future. Out there, somewhere, is the love of my life. And if it’s cheesy and corny that’s okay. Because I know that I’ll find her. Someday. 

A secret, public journal. A way to unburden myself, unload the thoughts and emotions that cloud my mind on a daily basis. This could be useful.


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