Love truly isn’t enough anymore..
As I am sitting here, eyes swollen from the tears that I have cried, stomach curdling at all of the days events, and head pounding because of my confusions; I am realizing that love isn’t enough. You see, you can love someone and hope that it is going to be enough, because love is great and beautiful and magical and hopeful, but if you love “too much”, that love is dead. I have loved “too much” in my current relationship and now it is biting me in the ass.
I sit here alone and hurt, while he sits in a room full of friends and football and snacks. Choosing when to respond to my messages, and when asked “are we together or not?” his response is, “Well what do you want?”… Why can’t I just get a straight forward answer, why can’t he pause his game and speak to me like the women that he has “loved” for the past 15 months. But the thing is, is somewhere along the lines I think he has decided that he doesn’t love me anymore. That being with me is “too much”, and too suffocating, and too emotional, and full of too many questions, and full of someone who is actually not going to walk away when things get hard. But then again, that’s why love isn’t enough anymore.
I look at our relationship and see so many times of joy and bliss, but as of recent I can only see the times of pain and suffering. I look at our photos and remember how happy we were, but then I remember the countless fights that were full of stupidity and ridiculous things we didn’t need to fight about. But in a relationship love is not enough. That is just the straight truth. We as humans are capable of loving so many people and things, but in a relationship it is choosing that person, every time. And for the majority of our relationship after the 3 month “honeymoon” stage, I haven’t been chosen, I have been the side option.
So what do I do now? Well I move on and hope that maybe he sees what he is missing. Sad part for me is that what if I decide I am better off without him at that point? I guess the next few days will be all about learning how to deal with that. Learning how to cope with the fact that who knows.
So for me, is love enough? No, but hopefully it’ll be enough to spark a desire to stay.