I was up most of the night. I decided to write down a list of goals and priorities. I’m finally on my feet and have my shit together; sober, financially, physically, and have clear vision. I asked myself, “Whats important? What do I want to accomplish?” My answer, was the dream that I always wanted and strived for daily. “The family man” life. Who doesn’t want the family way?
I can truely focus on my dream now that I have “grown up”. This is the stuff that’s important to me. I’m not getting any younger, I want to have one more child. I’m great with kids, I enjoy the growing up process and watching them change daily. A brother or sister for my son to protect and to love. To have the dream christmas’, birthdays with a family and making memories. There is no greater thing than that I believe in this world. The thought of having this is so exciting for me. I can and want to give more to the ones I love more than receiving anything. My sobriety has given me the opportunity to fulfill these dreams finally.
I had this vision for so long to share these things with someone I loved/still love. Yes, alcohol is what stood in my way/our way. The stuff literally destroys everything around you without you even realizing it; mentally-emotionally. It was time for me to change. When I finally did change, and started attending nightly meetings, I started to see everything in a different light, and different perspective.
I gave up the “rockstar” lifestyle years ago to pursue this goal. However, I couldn’t shake the alcohol habit that came with that previous life. It was my only “know how” to cope with things. My heart was always there, but i realize my mind wasn’t ready. But now is my chance. It’s been over two months with sobriety and I’m healthier, motivated and driven. I have come too far to go backwards. I remind myself of that daily. I inspire (more that are younger or my age range) at my daily meetings to see how much brighter their lives can be without alcohol. Some people can drink safely, some can’t. I’m not willing to take that risk anymore.
There is just too much to live for, too many opportunities in this world aside from a worthless alcohol habit. I get contacted quite often on FB from friends who have issues/or have questions about the desire to quit drinking. It’s one of the best feelings to help others. Possibilities are endless when alcohol is taken out of the equation; because it’s not important.
I’m not on a crusade, to just randomly make these dreams of mine happen overnight. Whatever happens, happens. I know how great of a father, a husband, a best friend I can be to someone. Especially more now than ever before. You learn from your mistakes, and you bust your ass to make sure they don’t happen again. I always did the right thing; honest, faithful, caring, supportive, devoted; but alcohol kept me from doing all of the other things that were necessary to be fully successful. Well I’m here now. And I can finally finish what I was set out to do.
My goals and priorities are in tact. My view looking towards the future has never been so clear. The things I wrote about up above are my priorities. I can’t change the past, but I can learn from it; and be better than I was before for everyone. I finally have the tools from sobriety to make all of my dreams become a reality. Whoever it’s to be shared with, will be the happiest of people. Children bring out the best, love and devotion is the driving force, and yourself alone is the will to become who you were intended to be.
-My previous entry has awakened my thoughts and ambitions. The big picture in life that is what’s most important.. The family I create will be THE best reward for everyone.
” I am the future success of what I envision ” BM