My little brother decided to end his almost seven year marriage. He decided to tell his wife approximately eight weeks before she was due to give birth to their second child. (She ended up giving birth about three weeks early as a result.)
This is fair enough I suppose, but his reasons for ending his marriage had been there from the start. What is disappointing is that he waited until he had another woman to move on to before finally ending it.
This I noticed is a pattern for him. He went from our Mother to being engaged to his high school sweetheart at 18. He then moved in with her and her family. When this became boring, he began a party lifestyle, which of course, included a new girlfriend. Out of necessity, he then moved in with me and his six year old niece. While living with us, he managed to play the field a little, but I still would not call it ‘single’. And it is during this time that he met who would eventually become his wife. So he moved in with her and her Mother, before they began their lives together, living alone as a couple-adulthood?
What is it with people who are incapable of being alone?
One would think that reaching a ‘mid life’ crisis at the ripe old age of 34 might lead you to do some soul searching ALONE. Instead, my brother who now has two young daughters, has chosen to become seriously involved with a woman who also has a young daughter. To make it more interesting, she was his best friend in high school, and like any classic romantic comedy, she was in love with him then, and has found she is still in love with him now.
I don’t know if it was his plan all along to make his life more ‘interesting’ (aka stressful), but I wonder how anyone can think this scenario is a good idea?
This situation has lead me to think about relationships in general. Why has it been programmed into us to assume that marriage is ‘until death do us part’, and if it ends before then it was a failure?
Perhaps in the 1970s when divorce was just becoming fashionable, I could understand such an attitude, but this is the new milennium. While my daughter-who was born in the 1990s- was growing up, it was the norm for parents to be separated or never married to begin with, which was the case with her father and me.
I know very few couples who have been married longer than 10 years, and can only think of one person I know whose parents were married until ‘death did they part’. But this is only because she died young.
So why are so many people still living with this illusion of marriage lasting forever?
If a relationship is based on love, that is real, rather than arranged, or convenient, or habitual, it is doomed to failure according to the illusory standards placed on it by marriage. For human feelings are changeable, not stagnant, and unless the couple in question exclude themselves from society, many experiences occur that will change your human feelings along the way. We are an evolutionary species, and we are currently evolving and changing more rapidly than we ever have before, so our relationships will have to as well.