When you have insomnia,never really asleep. you’re never really awake.

I am Jack’s smirking revenge.  ( Jack being my poor eye sight cause i have deprived myself of sleep)

Bare with me as I try to type what my sleep deprived, sketched out, withdrawing brain try to tell the hands that look like fuzzy sausages to type. My mind is racing like a racer yet my fingers can only comprehend a few key strokes at a time. 

I am sitting on my couch and I literally can barely read whats on the screen my eyes are so blurry, I feel bad for people who have eyes like this all the tinme would fucking suck having to wear glasses just to make your eyes focus. 

This journal has more or less become postings of my stages of psychosis on the meth and honestly I couldnt be happier with those results as of right now. I am not thinking about using opiates at all. That is unheard of, before I started the “Lets get clean by getting Teeaked” rehabilitation program I had doubts. I thought I would just end up speedballing meth and opiates but this time I am fucking determined. 

With every junkie looking for a way out, a fresher start there is always the smoke trail that follows his junk filled life behind him that needs to be fixed. Alot of the times its for another person, or maybe ia cpouple different people. I have two main iinspirations, I wanna go to visit my Mom, she lives  6 hours away and knock on her door step CLEAN. 

The next is two reasons. my first child, my dog that is with my ex gf. She blocked all contact with me cause I ofcourse being a jjunkie owe her money and always was selfish instead of thinking of others first when I got cash. I  know I cant make things right with her where we would be a family again but maybe I willl get to see my dog once and a while. 

I think when you see lots of reds lines and think to yourself ” I have tried drugs before and had a real good time”.  Its time to get back to that, no more addictions and control, just fun and experience life not an asddicting hell.  

Im off to my own personal BOBBYS WORLD…. aka BLURRY ASS SKETCH LAND with amazing beats pumping for days baby! 

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