Don’t tell anyone but sometimes late at night, I imagine.
When I fail to become unconscious thoughts just appear. It’s terrifying actually. The things I imagine.
Like never getting sick and still being at college in Corpus. I’d be a sophomore going on junior. Living on a little island. Still waking up to the wonderful humidity and falling asleep to the sound of rushing ocean waves. But then I probably would’ve never re-met you. The things I imagine.
Like never growing up to sounds of screaming. Crying. Black eyes. Pain. Lies. Hollow promises of never being hurt again, in every way. A false sense of security. A saddening view on affection. But then I probably would have never really learned what love, trust, and the truth really looked like.. From you. Oh, the things I can imagine.
Like never leaving Texas State this time around even though I was secretly dying inside and out. I’d still be free. No rules. Living life as normal as it could be for me. I should’ve just tooken the pain and actually completed something for once, even if it literally killed me. But if that happened, I’d no longer have you. My reason for living. You see the things I imagine?
The thoughts of what could’ve been or should’ve been aren’t what really terrify me I guess. It’s the thought of never having you in my life.
Don’t tell, but sometimes, I’d rather not imagine.