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d e a d m i n d

hi there, im not sure how to write this,

im sure there is not even a good or bad way to write something down

im gonna be quit direct, im 17 and lost

ive lost my way in faith, hope, hope.. hope.. shit

im like a soul , i feel like a freaking machine

always needa work, study , suporting home situations and to be honest..

i  s t o p p e d  g i v i n g  a  s h i t

i feel tired and i feel like i have no energy left.

i can fake alot ,but it doesnt mean i cant be happy

i find happiness in doing arts ,nature and my boyfriend

but thats quit it.                   i m   w o n d e r i n g   w h e r e   G o d  i s

im in a mental fight with faith. but im getting so tired

i feel like i want to give up everything , like i want to kill myself so badly

But i cant …. i FUCKING CANT because i have my lovely boyfriend that i dont want to leave behind , planning to have a bright future with… having a kid…a baby… our baby..

so small and fragile.. knowing nothing about this big cruel world… holding my own baby..i dream about it so much but…its no time for it yet..

but to be honest.. i dont even know if i will hold on till that..i dont even know when that could be , my body and mind are both killing me slowly ..at first i had people to talk to but now… people are getting used to it…tired of it.. they start leaving me or arent taking it serious anymore.

i just wish some things could be… i dont even know

i know that somewhere…god has a mission for me..

but  i just cant find him and i feel like falling appart

.… like giving up in some way

….like dying in some way…

 ….surviving in some way…

 

 

 

 

 

 

One thought on “d e a d m i n d”

  1. HE has plans.. for you. For every one of us.. he will answer your prayers in his own perfect time.. just hold on to HIM and never let go.. coz for sure He never let go of you even when you did.. GOD will never turn His back on us even though we did it to Him a million times.. maybe God answers you but you just didn’t realize it.. God has His own ways..

    Isaiah 41:13(NIV)
    “For I am the Lord, your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you,do not fear, i will help you.”

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