hi there, im not sure how to write this,
im sure there is not even a good or bad way to write something down
im gonna be quit direct, im 17 and lost
ive lost my way in faith, hope, hope.. hope.. shit
im like a soul , i feel like a freaking machine
always needa work, study , suporting home situations and to be honest..
i s t o p p e d g i v i n g a s h i t
i feel tired and i feel like i have no energy left.
i can fake alot ,but it doesnt mean i cant be happy
i find happiness in doing arts ,nature and my boyfriend
but thats quit it. i m w o n d e r i n g w h e r e G o d i s
im in a mental fight with faith. but im getting so tired
i feel like i want to give up everything , like i want to kill myself so badly
But i cant …. i FUCKING CANT because i have my lovely boyfriend that i dont want to leave behind , planning to have a bright future with… having a kid…a baby… our baby..
so small and fragile.. knowing nothing about this big cruel world… holding my own baby..i dream about it so much but…its no time for it yet..
but to be honest.. i dont even know if i will hold on till that..i dont even know when that could be , my body and mind are both killing me slowly ..at first i had people to talk to but now… people are getting used to it…tired of it.. they start leaving me or arent taking it serious anymore.
i just wish some things could be… i dont even know
i know that somewhere…god has a mission for me..
but i just cant find him and i feel like falling appart
.… like giving up in some way
….like dying in some way…
….surviving in some way…