2016 has been so horrible to me so far. This has been the longest and hardest week to deal with. I haven’t been able to get out of bed and I hit depression again. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a very positive person. I love being happy and making others happy. But to many bad events came in all at the same time. The beginning of January, I lost my child. I had a miscarriage. My fiancee was so devastated, that he went behind my back and smoked weed. Not to mention he didn’t tell me til just a couple days ago. (Jan. 24th) I was so hurt, worried but I also understood. Before he got on probation, his way of dealing with stress was to smoke pot. It’s not right or legal, but after he got on probation, he’s been clean. Unfortunately he slipped and ended up doing weed with his “buddies”. I no longer like his friends. They know he’s on probation, and yet they don’t give a rats ass if he goes to jail or not. Also my fiancee obviously didn’t care about me that night. He didn’t think how hurt I would be, and scared. (He’s on probation, if he fails his drug test, he’s going to jail!)
But that’s not even about this week. Last Saturday (Jan. 23rd) was his brother’s Mark birthday. I was invited to go, but I honestly don’t want anything to do with that kid. (Mark got my fiancee on probation in the first place. He said Kevin, my fiancee, was the one who had Heroin and does it. When he took a drug test, it was negative, yet he still goes on probation.) Kevin decided to party with his brother when he was told to just take Mark home. After hanging out, Mark decides to convince Kevin to take him to Cleveland, OH and find his buddy Eric. Eric is the drug dealer. Eric brought Heroin with him. As they all went to the bar and had fun, soon after Mark and Eric decided to go IN MY CAR and cook Heroin and inject it in themselves. Went Kevin went into the car, he was nervous because his brother was acting really weird. He wasn’t sure what to do. So he brought Mark home to Shawn. Shawn immediately called 911. If you’re on probation, you have to let your PO know everything if you are involved with police or even contact. Mark went to the ER and Kevin told his PO about it. (Now you see, none of this is Kevin’s fault! He was there at the wrong time, wrong place. I also know he was stupid for being the driver and hanging out with Mark again. When all this was happening, I was freaking out at my house. Kevin always texts back, and he left me a message saying ‘I wish I was strong enough.’ I thought for sure he was doing weed, or something horrible. Which I ended up being right with something horrible happening.)
Me and Kevin drove up to Cleveland on Jan. 27th to see his PO. An hour of waiting, his PO calls me and tells me he was taken into custody. And that’s all I know. I haven’t received any other information from anyone. Kevin is fired from his former job, I had to tell them. And he’s letting his second job slip through his fingers just as he got it.
I can’t even get out bed in the morning. I’ve missed work this entire work and hopefully they give me another chance Monday. I know it’s horrible of me to miss an entire week, but so much has happened.I even had to spend 800$ fixing my car and door handle. This month is never going to end. It’s just one thing after another. I been crying on and off, I’ve honestly tried cutting myself and popping pills just to bring up my mood. I’ve ditched my friends and I haven’t been texting or calling people back. I feel like my life just dropped way down hill.
Kevin can be taken into custody for a couple of reasons. Being in contact with the police, being around drugs, drinking, failing drug test, violating PO rules or Shawn pressed charges(Shawn is so upset that Mark almost died. He thinks Kevin needs to be the responsible one and baby sit Mark. Kevin is 24, and Mark is 30. Again, I realize they are both adults and both of them shouldn’t be stupid. But Shawn can’t expect Kevin to baby sit him). It’s just a horrible, stressful mess. The least the police can do is contact me and tell me whats going.
I’m ready to wait for Kevin. I already have a calendar up and counting down the days. But I’m so out of whack that almost left everything. I wanted to leave the entire state and start a new life. Then when Kevin get’s out, I wanted to get him and take him away from all his bad seeds. I calmed down, and now I want to buy a broken house and make it into a project for spring and summer. I’ve already contacted several real estates.. Usually when things go horrible, I panic and do something major. Change my hair, go slut myself up, buy a house or try escaping from everything. I’ve never been good at dealing with stress or depression. Not sure what to do, or how to get better. I guess only time can heal.