Saturday 30 January

I have no energy or motivation to do anything today! I would rather just sit here and just slowly think of ways to just go. I don’t cry anymore, I just become angry and cut. It’s better than feeling like I need to cry and in the end it will all be over, I will go and my life will be over. I will be gone and everyone around me will be happy again. I’m tired of everything. I’m tired of my feelings, my thoughts, waking up, just living in general. And I don’t want attention, if anything I want to be alone and die. Wish I could just continue to bleed and never stop bleeding! I wish people would understand! I really don’t know how much longer I can cope. My arm isn’t nub anymore, it’s painful but I just can’t cope and I don’t know how much longer I can keep pretending to be happy. I don’t know what else to do. And if I can pretend any longer! I can;t hide my anger any longer, I can’t hide my emotions any longer. I’m done, I’m fed up with this, all of it! And in all honesty, I HATE this! I am finished with everything! I mean what can I do? Absolutely nothing and yet no one understands or even notices! I am on my own! Always have been and always will be!!

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