Making friends

It’s funny isn’t it – kind of like dating without all the romance.  Making friends is always an interesting experience I’m usually a pretty guarded person.  Perhaps this is normal.  To be guarded.  To only share when it’s “safe” and all.   I just had a second 1 -1 get together with a potentially new friend – the last get together was so long ago neither of us remember exactly when it took place.  

We are still figuring things out – who we are and what each one of us is about.  I told her about some different life perspectives of mine professionally and personally.  I know some of it didn’t seem to make her super comfortable. And I certainly wasn’t telling anything to sell or push my views simply just what is going on in my life – etc.  After our meeting ending, on that awkard note, I find myself like a fish out of water.  Feeling insecure in my open-ness.  Feeling insecure in my being myself and putting ME out there.  

I am resisting the urge to text with a follow up message of “sorry if that was weird/I was offensive” or whatever.  I live in a pretty conservative area and I’ve met, what I would describe as, a lot of bullies over the years in my life.  Very opinionated pushy people who think their way is the highway.  It’s exhausting for someone such as myself who is easily swayed and influenced by others, feeling the need to find a strong voice to follow as though I surely won’t make the right choice on my own or if I make a choice that isn’t in alignment with others then it isn’t going to work in my favor.  

Someone who hasn’t even done the basic research or learning I have done can throw me off my thoughts on something I’ve really put a lot of effort into.  I know, get a backbone, right?  I am open-minded, I know there are lots of different things out there for lots of different people.  Unfortunately, the fellow open-minded folks I find are few and far between.

So now I’m in the post friend date limbo – the anxious waiting. Does she now think I’m a hippie crack pot for my spiritual views?  Will we hang out again?  Do I even want to hang out with her?  Are my choices the “wrong” choices.  Or will we indifferently and kindly split directions, casually avoiding making definite plans to see one another again any time soon without the comfort of a group buffer?  

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