How can I make everybody happy? I go through internal struggles on almost every decision I make because I know ht somebody out there is not going to be happy about it. I hope it’s not someone I care too much about, that way I can be easier on myself. Lately I struggle to find that balance and I find that I am usually upsetting at least one person I care for.
My best friend is moving to Mexico in three months. This puts a tremendous amount of pressure on me. I know she doesn’t mean for it to but it really does. I will need to find a new place, as a twenty year old mother with a part time job that’s pretty impossible to do. I have come to the conclusion that it is no longer them helping me by giving me a place to stay; it is me paying a ridiculous amount to sleep on a couch so they can afford to move to Mexico. It makes me angry towards her and fearful of being able to really put myself out there without hurting her. At the same time I know that if i were to move with M* I could be out of here in a month and not be paying half my income to sleep on a couch in a place that I can’t even move my stuff into because it’s too full.
M* is a guy that I have been seeing lately. I trust him. I do. I haven’t made anything official but he is honestly the definition of a perfect partner for me and we both possess attributes that the other person needs in their life. It’s nice. After years of emotional abuse and being controlled its so relieving to be with someone who genuinely cares for me. However, I recently left the person I thought I was going to spend my life with and it’s really soon for me to jump into things. I am also scared of myself and some of my insecurities… I don’t want to hurt him.