I’m not unhappy. Conflicted, yes, but not unhappy. I weighed all of my options and honestly waiting (not forever, I have placed a limit) seems to be the best option for me. A relationship with anyone really isn’t a priority in my life, I have college, friends, and job searching to do haha. I know that without him, I’d be fine. I know that my happiness doesn’t depend on anyone but myself. But I can’t deny that I would much prefer Him. As for the girl, I don’t agree with his decision, not at all. But it’s a step. He’s hit a point in his life where he came to a complete mental halt for quite some time. He’s intelligent and motivated as a person but hit a rough patch in his life where he doubted himself so much and questioned everything he ever wanted in life to the point where he stopped making decisions all together. He went to therapy for it as well. So him making the decision on how to handle his situation with the girl is actually a very big deal in this scenario. That doesn’t mean I agree with it and for her sake, I am urging him to break up with her sooner rather than later.
When it comes to myself, I was originally open to the idea of seeing new people and even now, I’m not opposed to it. However, I’m now aware of the possibility of getting into the same situation with someone that He is in with her. I want to avoid that, it would cause me a much greater amount of stress and guilt. I keep going back and forth about whether I want to be with someone or not, but whenever someone shows any interest, I don’t necessarily always share that interest and yet I give them a shot anyways. Of course, that doesn’t end well though. I think I’m much happier when just being single and focusing on school, while having the chance of Him returning off on the sidelines, rather than making it a primary goal to move on and find someone new or focus on his return. If he returns, awesome, I’ll be the happiest girl. If he doesn’t, that’s okay because I will still be happy due to the fact that there are other things in life that can bring happiness. If someone new comes into my life that I become close to and begin to love, cool. I think I’m at a point where whatever happens, happens. I’ll be okay because I am in control of my own happiness.
I didn’t realize some of these things until I began typing them here. It’s why writing helps me so much. Thank you to those who gave me their input on my last entry, it helps a lot. I understand where you’re coming from and what you are saying is valid and appreciated. I am always grateful and open to your input.