I wish I knew what the best course of action was. I’m in a situation where I am given the opportunity to start something new with someone very sweet but I’m also clinging on to the very large amount of hope that I’ll be able to be together again with someone I love so deeply.
There is someone of whom I am very close to despite our past. We dated for nearly 3 years and everything was perfect. We made each other smile, we made each other feel whole. We talked everything through and never had any lasting conflicts and we always talked about a future together. He was and is still my very best friend. He broke up with me the day before I went off to college. He was crying just as hard as I was, if not harder. He said that because we had been dating since we were just 13, he wanted to know if what we had was real or if it was what was easy. He feared that if we stayed together, he’d grow to resent me due to his uncertainty of if being with me for the rest of his life was really the best choice. Him being the way he always was, I understood and agreed. Of course, that hurt like hell haha but he’ll always feel like home.
It’s been about 5 months since we’ve broken up and we’re still very close. I trust him with my life and I’m sure he trusts me with his. Currently he’s dating another girl (There’d really be no point to our separation if he didn’t try seeing someone else) and has been for about 2 months. But every time he sees me, he slips back into his old ways, wanting to hold me, be with me and I have to stop him. He always tells me that he misses me. That he loves me. And I know he’s telling me the truth because he looks at me with the same eyes that he looked at me with when we were together. The eyes that tell me how much he really does love and adore me. I know it and I feel it. Because of this, it made it so hard for me to move on. He began to doubt himself and wondered if breaking up was the right choice. He began to regret dating his girlfriend because if he wasn’t dating her, he would have already taken me back. Despite that, he is reluctant to break up with her because he enjoys her company, something that I can’t provide as often while I’m away at college. Just recently however, he told me he wanted to break up but didn’t know how so he had a plan that he was going to break up with her at the end of the school year because she may go to college somewhere even farther away (she is currently a senior in high school). I don’t agree with his decision but at least it’s a decision nonetheless.
I’ve gone out on dates with a few people but never seemed to click with anyone. I gave being in a relationship with someone a try, but it didn’t take long before I decided he wasn’t for me and that I was still hopelessly in love with Him. However, there’s this girl who is super sweet and may really want to date me seriously. I think she’s absolutely wonderful and I’m given the chance to start something new. But I know that it is highly likely that if we were to date, and He would want to take me back, I would end up leaving her and choosing Him. I would never want to do that to her, I wouldn’t want to hurt her. But this is all based off of the CHANCE that He decides to be with me again. I know in my heart that He is all I ever want though.
I’m faced with the opportunity to start over and be with someone new, someone who I may very well love someday. But I’m also faced with the very likely chance that He will return to me. I don’t know what the best course of action would be. I wish I knew, I keep second guessing myself. I think that I will end up turning her down because she doesn’t deserve being with someone who isn’t certain about their feelings for her. She deserves more than that. And I will likely wait for Him. Because the only thing certain in my head is that I love Him. I really do.