losing myself

lately, i’ve noticed that as i learn more about mental illness i have less interest in things that give me pleasure.  art is one thing. ever since i was a child art is something i’ve turned to to entertain me and to express my thoughts. i majored in art when i went to collage. i wanted to be an artist, but when i realized that wasn’t practical, i switched to art education with the intent of becoming an art therapist. but that was twenty years ago.

up until one month ago, i was content art journaling and participating in mail art swaps and journal page swaps. but, i stopped doing art for some reason. i have no real desire to create art. i have the time. but my attention is focused more on mental illness. not my mental state. but mental illness in general and researching the topic, then sharing this information with others. i think this is a good thing.

it’s no secret that i have clinical depression. most people guess by my attitude and actions. but, losing interest in things that were once pleasurable is one of the symptoms. i’m not sure those new meds are working. not only have i lost interest in art, but, i’m keeping to myself more. that worries me. years ago i had agoraphobia. i didn’t leave the safety of my parents basement for two years, except for the two times i went to the doctor. i can’t repeat that.

i have both my therapist session and psychiatrist session next week. we have a lot to discuss. i know there will be highs and lows in my recovery, but, i just need to understand why.

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