my thoughts

Here we go just what nobody needed or wanted we have the ramblings of a stupid over dramatic teenager  well ill have you know I am going to be twenty then what can they say? I don’t know what I want or what they want but there is something I can’t just leave alone it just won’t quit and I don’t know why and yes its exactly the bullshit that everyone asks and since the beginning people have thought and thought so what exactly will my teenage confused brain add to the legacy of the age old question of….. Why? I’m talking everything but let’s add specifics so I can try to channel my thoughts into something that will make sense to both me and whomever reads this one day

Why are we here? Why did the events either an intelligent design or explosions into stars into planets into whatever we deem as life into us why are we here? Why have this burden that is life if in the scheme of everything no single human life no single thing in the universe matters why are we here in a universe that has existed and will exist without us?

What point is there to life if nothing matters not that I want a grand mission or to be remembered forever or to be the hero I don’t care if my life matters or anything like that but what’s the point. If theirs virgins waiting or if there is absolutely nothing after we pass why have this tiny span of existence at all why even bother? Why not just cut out the middle man what is the point to this purgatory that we call life?

Here is the part where I ramble I add quotes that may mean something to me but maybe not to others

Also I’m no linguist none of this will make sense I’m just trying to put this all down so maybe some of it will be out of my head                    

First things first the longs things I put in quotes unless over wise said are not mine and I don’t take credit for them they are just things I read about whatever because like I said this has been on my mind for a while sooo

            Being raised in a Christian household you figure that would be an answer right there and sure that’s a suggestion of one reason why we are here being of scientific mind we have another way we have evolution and everything like that. So again why we are here why are we as beings here around living being what we are and all that. I refuse to believe that anything we do with our short time matters but what do we do if our lives could matter right? Sure I suppose we all live in this moment right now we do what we can even what we want but  eventually time moves on and things are forgotten. So why live life at all? Maybe it ends maybe it doesn’t 25 to 100 years old we all end up 6 ft. under what do we do while we are forced to suffer this purgatory and what’s after? Let’s assume nothing is after or better yet lets assume that we just can’t know somebody near my heart and somebody  I’ve talked to about this asked me a very important question “ if you knew there was an end goal , if I knew that there was something after we die, would that make me change anything about today?”  and there I sat wondering debating but ultimately for me no I don’t think that anything would change for me and how I think and am if life ends and we go to paradise where everything is perfect or if we all cease to exist and nothingness is there I’m not talking oh darkness and silence I’m talking the pure and just really incomprehensible nothingness that after that last spark, that last pump of blood goes through our heart there is nothing an all things you have done are nothing.  We can’t possibly know and I suppose that angering fact is sitting there and if I choose to accept it or not I suppose new really just cannot know but what do we do while we are here then? I suppose search for happiness search for something that can give our life not any sort of meaning or purpose but some sort of machine, cogs and bolts as we are we search for this completeness and happiness that gives us the completion of euphoria and we live for that we strive for that we as humans want happiness and maybe that’s something to search for. But what about those who can’t seem to find happiness in anything either material or in people and experiences what about people who despite whatever is going on in their life good or bad they just can’t seem to feel whole or feel happy  they don’t want anything out of life they don’t need riches or quests or anything except for that one piece whatever it is I’m sure it differs from person to person  but just like losing a piece to a puzzle they are frustrated that they can’t find this piece they can’t feel normal they just can’t seem to simply be… we strive for people passions and things we form bonds and romances and even families and of course that is our word that is our accepted concept of what should happen  but what’s the point and again I sigh and say  there isn’t one. For me personally as I sit here today I can simply and unwillingly say we just don’t and won’t ever know  I guess maybe it’s really just person to person.

Here we go my unreasonable babbling about my second point why whats the point?

Lets start with a quote

“[T]the more they try to struggle out of-or wallow in-their depression, the more they become acutely aware that their life is brief and ultimately finite, that they are alone and are only one very small organism in a very large world, and that there is a frightening freedom and responsibility regarding how one chooses to live one’s life. They feel disillusioned, and they question life’s meaning, often asking themselves, ‘Is this all there is to life? Isn’t there some ultimate and universal meaning? Does life only have meaning if I give it meaning? I am one small, insignificant organism alone in an absurd, arbitrary, and capricious world where my life can have little impact, and then I just die. Is this all there is?

I ask is there something to life ?

People have goals people complete them is shows some sort of progress to your lives here  in America we are shaped formed written rewritten and relabeled moved shaken beat rattled bruised and finally shipped out into the real world as we see it. Being whatever you seem as an ideal adult is not taught in school or taught in anything we live life goal after goal ultimately searching for more but it’s never enough we are never satisfied people are trapped in what ifs and maybe but in the end the only reality we have is what’s right in front of us. The more we think about topics like this the more depressed we get and the more we realize that life is nothing short of mirrors and fogs because eventually you your children and your children’s children will be nothing more than dust forgot and never to be even remotely imagined of again. As pink Floyd puts it “All in all we’re just another brick in the wall” although they are not talking about the same thing I am I feel that’s just what we are billions of people have come and gone and all we are as me as you as a collective species of existing beings that are sentient enough to even have thoughts like this we are but another brick another layer in the monument to absolutely nothing. Maybe humanity no maybe the entire universe still has billions of years maybe we as people have billions of years but eventually and most certainly our monument to nothing will finally come to a finish and there it is the nothingness that is the end of time ( on a side not what the fuck even is time? Time is nothing but a man made measurement tool to show progression however what’s 5,10,60,100000 years to the rest of eternity? Time is meaningless to a universe that does not give a shit about anything inside of it) Why did whatever created us an lead to right now why even bother with this absolute agony that we call human life if nothing matters and our short year hear alive mean absolutely nothing. Why go through the trouble or creating all of this just to send us back to nothingness or better yet why make us suffer and have pain if one day we will just get to go to paradise( real dick move gods) we can’t stop ourselves from being born but why even have all this in the first place? For Gods? For Science? What is the point of all this I ask if in the end nothing we do here on earth in this reality matters why must we simply be…?

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