This morning was fine and good, but when I got home it was a turn for the worse. It has definitely been a while since she lashed out at me and today she did and it was over something stupid. And it has also been a really long time since I have felt this way. This “way” I am feeling is the same as when I would think about killing myself because I hate getting mad like this and feeling like no one cares or that I am worthless… Better yet like I just don’t want to be here anymore. In the past I have tried with thyroid pills which do nothing because I am not the type of person who knows what medication to take when I wanted to do this. Like I said it has been a long time and today just got to me. I haven’t done anything, which I am proud of, but just the “feeling” of wanting to end my life scares the crap out of me and just as typing this I am crying. I don’t know what to do anymore. I really think that I have something wrong with me, but I have never said anything to anyone or asked for help because I don’t want to see pity or them thinking I am crazy.