Turn for the Worse

This morning was fine and good, but when I got home it was a turn for the worse. It has definitely been a while since she lashed out at me and today she did and it was over something stupid. And it has also been a really long time since I have felt this way. This “way” I am feeling is the same as when I would think about killing myself because I hate getting mad like this and feeling like no one cares or that I am worthless… Better yet like I just don’t want to be here anymore. In the past I have tried with thyroid pills which do nothing because I am not the type of person who knows what medication to take when I wanted to do this.  Like I said it has been a long time and today just got to me. I haven’t done anything, which I am proud of, but just the “feeling” of wanting to end my life scares the crap out of me and just as typing this I am crying. I don’t know what to do anymore. I really think that I have something wrong with me, but I have never said anything to anyone or asked for help because I don’t want to see pity or them thinking I am crazy. 

One thought on “Turn for the Worse”

  1. Have you seen a doctor for depression? I am going through lots of things, that make me feel so crazy. But I’m suffering depression. it’s nothing to be shameful of. I’m scared a lot too and I wish it wasn’t like that. I can’t even work. I think about death too but really I want to live, I just feel that sometimes I don’t. Talk to a doctor. You need to get some knowledge about what’s going on.

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