So now I’m prepping for my SATs and my SAT chemistry subject test. Physics and math will come later. Yay fun.
My chemistry is awful. If you think of my brain as this big room full of filing cabinets, then all my knowledge of chemistry would be housed in a pathetic little cardboard box, full of barely legible, unfinished notes and old crinkled exam papers with a lot of x’s on them and tucked in a dusty corner. Also, most of it would be in Chinese. You see, I have yet to translate my pitiful chemistry-related knowledge into English. In fact, my math and physics haven’t been fully translated yet either. That’s why it’s terrible to have to learn something in one language and then learn it again in another language. But that’s my life, so oh well.
I’m not freaking out though. I’m very chill about it. Though maybe that’s just because I feel too numb from my overwhelming heap of emotions that I have yet to handle, like sadness because I proabably won’t be able to see my old friends ever again and I didn’t get to say a proper goodbye before I left them, and they’re still expecting to see me in a few days. Normally, I would cry, but I’m just too tired of everything to cry now. Not that I would want to cry anyway, because I have this ugly blotchy crying face and crying never helped anyone. Crying is inevitable, of course, when you’re as big a crybaby as me, but it helps to hold it all in until a nice time (preferably at night, when I’m at home) and let it out all at once.
I just hope I’ll be able to learn everything well, so I won’t have to stress too much about grades when I finally move to Texas.
I mean, I’m still worrying about how I’ll manage to fit in and make friends and survive high school there, because I am the most awkward introvert in the world, but I have to manage to push it all to the back of my head and just worry about my grades first.
So yeah, that’s it for today. Hopefully I’ll write more tomorrow. I want to write about the people I’ve known; it makes me sad to think about them and how I’ll never see them again, but it also makes me happy to know that I once knew them.